WHAT HAPPENED?

2008-06-24T10:46:00.000-07:00

so many tangled doubts.
so many confused emotions.
so many jumbled words.
too many questions.
too much, too much.

2008-05-28T10:54:00.000-07:00

its been 4 years.
and i still have the urge to make sandwiches for you.

i cant help but want my life to turn in circles.

나는 너를 정알 보고 싶어요. 찐자.

2008-05-18T04:49:00.000-07:00

i decided to watch the movie, 'i'm a cyborg but its ok' for the second time because i was running out of korean dramas to watch (yes, believe it) but mainly because i was very curious.

curious because the first time i watched it (in the cinema with Char), i didnt understand it at all - all i could grasp was the plot and the amazing visual spectacle. granted, this usually satisfies me enough to not watch a movie again, yet, somehow for this film, it wasnt enough.

and i am sure glad that i decided to watch this film again because it is truly facinating. although set in a mental asylum, with characters that are seemingly mad and ridiculous, i felt that i was able to emphatise with them - their thoughts, emotions, fears- all of them.

for me, their madness is thought and nostalgia-provoking. The story revolves around a (mad)young lady who thinks that she is a combat cyborg. however, this is not madness to me - werent we all like that when we were younger, pretending that we were something/somebody else and then really truly believe in them? it is just that as we grow older, we start to separate reality from imagination and finally we reach a point where imagination becomes ridiculous in the face of reality.
This is why when i was watching 'I'm a cyborg, but its ok', i didnt feel like i was watching a group of mad people doing mad things, but rather, the characters were reflecting a 'madness' that is innate in all of us.

i was also deeply touched by the romance of the two main characters, performed by Rain( Park Ill-Sun)and Im Su-Jeong (Cha Yong Goon). oddly, this romance between two mad people is one of the most heart-warming ones that i've seen on screen (considering the fact that i have watched A LOT of romantic dramas, this IS a feat). Because of his initial sympathy, Ill-Sun took the time to understand Yong-Goon's state of mind and later joins her in her imaginary world in order to help her. if this is not love, then it must be something a lot like love because what can be more intimate than to understand the inner workings and thoughts of a one's mind? though unconventional, to me, this romance is undisputably a romance.

it is evident that a lot of thought has been put into the script as well as the direction of the film, and it is a film that is definitely worth being appreciated. it is such a waste that some refuse to catch it just because they think that it is a film solely made for Rain-fans. my advice is to watch it with an open mind; forget the fact that the main actor is Rain, and just appreciate the film for what it is.

2008-04-17T23:23:00.000-07:00

"I am unable to grasp the large catastrophes. They leave my heart untouched. At most I can read about such atrocities with a kind of greed – a pornography of horror. But I shall never rid myself of those images. Images that turn by art into a bag of tricks, into something indifferent, meaningless. " - Ingmar Bergman

in my view, this is not only the dilemma of art but also the dilemma of everyday life and existance.

people making great statements for their beliefs, leave me with awe, admiration and disdain. Disdain - at my everyday existance and my art. because it is in the face of such statements,that i find my daily doings and purpose in life meaningless and very much a joke. and then the joke is taken further when i realised that great importance and attention i place to them.

these statements crush my whole world of self-constructed believes and purposes. my entire sense of existance.

but yet i continue on with the meaningless. because i dont know what statement i can make, what beliefs i can hold on to.

and my art - is it but a bag of tricks? is it but fluff of no meaning? is it just something i play for mere self satisfaction?

as much as i try to deny and justify myself, i cannot.

i dont know what to do now.

2008-03-25T08:24:00.000-07:00

the need to do well
the need to escape
the need to please others
the need to feel happy
the need to live everyday to the fullest
the need to accomodate
the need to worry
the need to wait
the need to contain emotions
the need to rest
the need to work
the need to compromise

these are in my daily to-do-list. do they match yours?
i am so so tired.

2008-02-29T02:11:00.000-08:00

this leap day, i decided to take a trip down memory lane. i thought my heart was steeled enough and the wounds of whats loved and lost have been healed for long. yet, i sit here now blogging because the pain is so intimate and deep that if i dont let it out, i'm afraid that i will burst out in tears.

and i refuse to cry on leap day. because these tears will then forever be remembered - along with the reasons for these tears.

i hate to tell myself that it doesnt matter anymore. that you dont matter anymore. that i can bury what last emotions i have for you away, and with all my heart(how naive of me to think that my heart can withstand so much.)look at you platonically.

oh how i tried. sometimes even managing to convince myself 'there you see, it doesnt hurt so much after all'. but no, its just self-hypnosis that i've grew so fond of. honestly, i think alot of my life consist of self-hypnosis which, honestly, is a pretty good way to escape. until i wake up from it.

let me say it. out loud. YES I MISS U. I MISS U ALOT. i miss the times we had together, the tenderness in your eyes, the laughter that i reserve just for you, the feeling of being so sure of your presence in my life, the feeling that you matter so damn much to me and i to you. I MISS U.

just for today, 29 february 2008, let me wake up from my self-hypnosis. let me face my feelings for once. let me admit to myself that yes, i will always always miss you and will always always wish that things were like before. that i can have u back into my life again. let me admit that i was a fool. let me admit that i have always always been upset about that decision that i made. let me admit that you were the best for me and that i always always have this deep fear that i will never ever find another better.

let me admit. admit that i have always been regretful.

and sorry.

and furiously angry.

it still hurts. so much that all it took to evoke all these were 3 simple notes.

i really really miss you.

but after today, no, after this blog post, i am just going to bury all these away. tell myself that its all in the past and i was glad it happened. give a contented sigh. pretend to move on, and maybe really move on.

i really miss you.

2008-01-30T08:11:00.000-08:00

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate
(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart
(i carry it in my heart)

- ee cummings

i love the music that is weaved within the words, most intricately,like the weaving of gold threads into fragile clothing. it seems to beckon, "listen, and sing along with me".

2008-01-23T07:32:00.001-08:00

have you ever seen one of those silly girls who tattoo their boyfriends' names on their arms?
i mean, their obviously silly, right? to make such an irreversible decision on something that is so OBVIOUSLY(at least to all of us right thinking members of society)fragile.
you silly girl, when ever does young love last?
you'll definitely regret this.

it just struck me how little confidence we have of love.
or more like, how little faith we have in finding lifelong love.
we are so afraid that love can be so temporal that making life alternating changes for love seems too naive. too foolish.
everlasting love. what's that anymore?
marriage no longer seems like a lifelong promise - now more like a brave act of love.
more like a dare. not a promise.
ring? ah yes, the more tiffany the better.

a man went into a tattoo parlor to get a tattoo of his wife's face on his back.
as a present to her for their 27th anniversary.

it took him 27 years to know that this is everlasting love.
to know that this is a love worth imprinting in his body for.
a love to last a lifetime.

this is the love i am looking for.
a love so great that it makes me want to tattoo his name on my back.
a love that i just know
will last a lifetime.

2007-11-24T01:53:00.000-08:00

will be going to Abra tomorrow and will be back 1st dec, 1am.
i am really excited to see how Abra is like, and more so to see my dearest vangie again.
this will be the 2nd time i am going to such an un-tourisy place (the first was Kudafari) and i believe that like kudafari, this little town will be a hidden treasure.

2007-11-13T06:15:00.000-08:00

just woke up from a bad dream. as emotional nightmare.
i can still remember distinctly every emotion experienced.
the helplessness and heartache:
a reflection of my inner thoughts and feelings all these while.
so this is how i feel all along - my nonchalence all a facade.
this fear of losing you one day.
its all suddenly clear to me.

2007-10-09T04:25:00.000-07:00

this restlessness is overwhelming.
its stifling, nauseating and oppressive.

2007-09-30T09:15:00.001-07:00

holey moley i've got to record this down!

just this evening my parents had to go for some wedding dinner leaving just the 3 of us at home.

i gallantly offered to cook dinner since my younger sis was not up to eating out. however, upon searching (and also realising tt i am really quite incapable of cooking proper food), i realised tt there were like 2 cans of baked beans and this carton with japanese indication tt its used for miso soup.
upon this discovery, i was damn happy and declared tt dinner will be baked beans and miso soup. moreover, i ADORE miso soup and well...it looked like an instant mix.

so i happily boiled a pot of water ( i even measured the amount ok!)and poured in a sachet of mix (1 sachet is supposed to serve 4, according to the picture). to my dismay the soup looked too clear (miso soup is supposed to look cloudy right?!)and tasted like i didnt add anything at all.

so i added another sachet but the soup still tasted like water. i added another sachet. by the 4th sachet, the soup was starting to taste abit, so i happily added the tofu and served.

however, my sis and i had this sinking feeling throughout the entire process tt miso paste was supposed to be added into the soup. upon finishing the soup, we decided to check the carton again.

upon trying to decifer (in our own way) the stupid japanese symbols, it hit us we had just eaten ALOT of MSG. (i think each of us ate 5 person's worth of MSG!)

here's presenting our fusion meal:

we each drank a bowl of 'miso soup', ate soba (sauce: diluted soya sauce) and 1 scrambled egg.

our stupidity is now public. haha.

2007-09-28T23:00:00.000-07:00

hey dad, mom (seen as 1 entity):

there are just so many things that i wish to say to you but lack the courage to. which is why, like a wimp i am writing this all down here, knowing that you'll never see this.

first and foremost, i love you. alot. even though many times i may seem nonchalant to all that you have done - please be assured that i am not. its just that sometimes i find it so hard to express my gratitute and love. i do try sometimes, but often the guilt of not being a good enough daughter stops me from saying more.

i never want to disappoint you. i try my best to make you as proud of me as possible even though recently it seems that these instances are getting rare. but please try to understand that sometimes i try so hard that when i look back, i realised that some things that i do are done simply to prove that i am worthy to be your daughter. but dont worry, its not your fault. its just me getting too competitive with myself.

i know things are not easy at home with our financial situation not being as before. many times i want to apologise for not being your pillar of support and also for not contributing enough. i am sorry, dad and mom. i am really really really sorry. i dont know how else more to say this.

i know that you are weary. this is a guilt that will always burden me until the day i can lift your burdens from your shoulders. please patiently wait for that day because other than this promise, together with my love, i am at lost with what else to do.

i hope you will always know that i love you. alot.

2007-09-20T08:45:00.000-07:00

what i truly want in life has become increasingly blur nowadays. i hate to admit this to myself, but i am getting increasingly unsure of whether i am heading towards the right direction or not. university is the start of our pursuit towards our dreams - wait, how do you define dreams again? must i only pursue practical dreams?

if i have the liberty to dream, what do i want to be? i posed this question to my friends and ended up being much more troubled than all of them combined. so many different hopes and dreams resurfaced - but none of them even hint of pracmatism.

many times i ask myself - why the heck am i in university? just to show that i can study? just to secure a good job in the future? or even just to fulfill society's expectations?

i lack the courage to pursue what i want. i am afraid to waste years trying and trying but end up failing and worse still - broke.

but what if this is not what i want? what if i end up wasting years in a job which i dont enjoy, and look back in dismay at time not well spent.

worries worries worries.

2007-09-18T05:17:00.000-07:00

i desperately need to study very hard.
but i cant seem to find the energy to do so.
help.

2007-09-14T22:15:00.001-07:00

it all came back yesterday when we were laughing our lungs sore in billybombers.

the hi darlings, what did i order again?, too much food! too much food!

the betty boast shickennnns, tres biens, auntstreizers (however u spell that), japanese and chuan qian ming yue guangs.

the falsatto sexyback(yeah!), mungled up carwash, oh keming we have come..for i cant help falling in love with you and paperbags for the next outing.

if any of u dare leave my life, i'll personally go over and drag you back in again. this is my promise.

2007-09-09T08:57:00.000-07:00

to:
you who will make me think that love is worth loving

hello love,

whenever i am in a strolling mood, especially those evenings when the wind blows kisses onto your face and surroundings become a blur - those times make me think of you.

and then i wonder about this silhouette in my mind. what is he doing now? where is he? and then i smile, because perhaps you had just walked past me and we in silliness had been nonchalent. and then i cant help but look around...ah, silly me.

hmmm, how do i say this, but, i miss you. i know, its silly to miss someone whom you dont even know. i mean, it sure sounds ridiculous to love and miss a silhouette. someone whom i cant put a face too. but its just that in certain moments i miss you intensely. especially in moments of great joy, where i wish i have your ear to shout into, while in moments of dispair - where i yearn for your shoulder to cry on.

who are you? i often wonder to myself. my curiousity is only partially sadated with the hope that you are worth the waiting for. but sometimes in dispair (well, not too often),i would hopelessly wonder if all i am waiting for is nothingness. maybe the sihouette in my mind is just my own silly illusion...

hopefully one day you'll get to read this, and maybe(if i dare hope!)at this moment when you are reading this i'll be sitting beside you and we'll be laughing at this together. this is me - at moments where i cast all cynism aside and believe that the love of my life truly exists.

and i hope till the day you read this, this will still be me - the me you fell in love with.

till then, this remains a dream to be stowed aside with childhood fairytales,
an unanswered prayer.

yours always,
Ruth

2007-08-31T05:59:00.000-07:00

i have this overwhelming sense of being left behind.
time is running ahead of me.
and i fear that i do not want to catch up.
i want to stall, look back and join the past.
walk down corridors with the old and familiar,
i want to;
laugh like idiots with christine - give disgusted faces at her toilet jokes then joining her later,
hold rhoda's hands as we stride down corridors - which later progressed to striding through shopping malls,
hug charlene in joy, sadness or fear - listening to each other as we admit our inner most secrets and flaws.
go to meimei's house to watch movie after movie , seeing a look of disgust and shock on her face at our ignorance towards her oldies.
all this i miss. surely and slowly, i miss.
i really. miss.

2007-08-26T00:43:00.000-07:00

Charlene,

My impulsive friend with such fervent passion for life :
I am seriously going to miss seeing the way you move with such confidence,
Make commitments with such determination,
Love with such enviable heady rashness,
Give with open-heartedness generosity,
Live with such disregard of tomorrow.

My lovable friend with such fierce protectiveness for all she loves :
I am seriously going to miss the way you hug with no reservations,
Care with no other purpose,
Flare up when others hurt the people you love,
Lead, by holding on tightly to my hand as we weave through crowds.

My endearing friend with such contagious happiness :
I am seriously going to miss the sound of your laughter,
Your blatant joy and sheepishness with every purchase made,
Your strong belief in sharing every strand of happiness you own, unselfishly,
For being the reason of so many smiles on my face.

My dear friend, who I always want to love :
I am seriously going to miss you.

***
hey chartu-marthu,
take care in Boston!
remember to eat properly, sleep well and drink lotsa water k?
i am waiting for u to come back!
see u in 4months time!! :)
i love u!

love,
Ruthu

2007-08-25T02:31:00.000-07:00

uni life has officially gone on full steam.
and it didnt take me long to realised that all i have heard about uni life is ONE BIG LIE.
stuff like, ' ah, uni is relac relac one la!' and 'after going through JC life, uni is gonna be one big par-tay man!'.
ALL LIES.
its only been the 3rd wk of school and i find myself swarmed with work. its stressful, no doubt, when the people around you have so much to say and i find myself with not much of an opinion. (my view of democracy in Singapore?..er..wel..LKY is quite...HOT..)
but its not all bad.
learning is really an enjoyable process and studying still proves to be a profession with the most freedom.
school life, i embrace u with all my heart!

2007-08-05T08:08:00.000-07:00

school's starting tmr.
ALAMAK.
i am so unprepared i dont know what to do.
i dont have stationary...
nor do i have a pencil box (i ceremoniously dumped all my stationary away and used my pencil box to store my nail polishes as an act to celebrate the end of A levels).
BUT
i have a notebook.

will blog abt my trip to vietname & cambodia soon.

P/S: WHY CANT I VIEW MY TAGBOARD?!

2007-07-19T00:36:00.000-07:00

albeit late, i shall still blog on my trip to hong kong with Chartu and Rhoda! :)

first and foremost, it was purely God's grace that i was able to go to hk in the first place. i went with a peaceful mind, with the full support of mum & dad as well as with the best travelling companions i can ever have.

my 2 lovely companions :)

5/7/07 - night before trip

rhoda and i were taking shelter in Chartu's house. yeah, we were being cheapo cos char's bro could give us a ride to changi airport the next morning. i mean, can u imagine how much the taxi fare could cost?!
anyways, we didnt sleep much, but when we did, i er...pretty much took up the bed and left rhoda sleeping on the floor. HAHAH *embarassed laugh*

6/7/07 - dawn

first time in years i had to wake up at 330 AM. so as u are right to assume, i was not in a very good state. many morning accidents (which include losing the lock of my luggage, falling down, etc) later, we made it to changi. and we ate sakae sushi for breakfast. note to self: dont ever steal rhoda's sashimi. EVER.

6/7/06 - afternoon

we arrive at hk airport at around 1040. walked around jordan (the area of our hotel) for quite some time with our luggages in tow bcos we couldnt locate our hotel. later found out that we actually were right in front of it when we first alighted from the bus. oh well.

we wasted no time to get down to business - shopping. flipping thru the shopping guide, we were recommended YUE HWA EMPORIUM which was conveniently near our hotel. from the outside, it looked a little dubious, but being shopping desperados, we still entered. yes, dear readers, dont ever judge a shopping mall by its appearance. YUE HWA EMPORIUM was worse than expected. it sells..lets see: Bedsheets, ginseng and cha cha vcds.

through our dismay, we decided to perk ourselves up by going for lunch.

look at the feast we had!

the best dish ever! :)

so, as u can see, we evidently became much happier people after our meal! we felt revitalised and invigorated, with renewed hope for the shopping scene in hongkong! :)

the rest of the trip was spent shopping shopping shopping.

welcome to Stars Avenue! :) we decided to take a breather here after our shock at the amount of money we had already spent on shopping - and it was only the 2nd day!

handprints galore. i think this one is jackie chan's.

hand

despite being a concrete jungle, hong kong is still beautiful. :)

Speaking of shopping, hongkong is indeed a shopping heaven - for the rich. gucci, dior, chanel, etc can be seen abundantly in the major areas of hk. AND, the boutiques there are NOT CHEAP EITHER! so, being on a budget trip, we ended up shopping at familiar high street labels zara & mango.
but the one shop that made the whole trip worthwhile...

this high street label better be coming to singapore soon because the things they sell are seriously nice, yet are cheaper than zara or mango! *dreams of H&M*

let me tell u a secret about chartu. she LOVES mangos. unfortunately for her, rho and i could only tolerate 2 days of mango madness before we had to drag her away from any mango dessert shop.

just look at her 'i love mango' face!

this was taken on the first day, so rhoda n i do not look so traumatised yet. haha

but all in all, the food in hongkong is really fan-tabulous. its delicious and cheap! on 3/4 of the trip, our meals never exceeded $5 each and when we splurge on a seafood feast, it costs just merely $10 per person!

the ingredients for our seafood fest!

we definitely did not miss out on the most important food - dimsum!

and of course, GUI LING GAO! :)

this trip was definitely fruitful...

materialistically

and definitely...

emotionally.

i love u both very much! :)

2007-06-15T20:42:00.000-07:00

1 thing you probably do not know about me:

sometimes, i try so hard at life
just to prove that i deserve to exist.

2007-06-11T07:25:00.000-07:00

it is ever possible to ever be a person who contains no malice?

to smile every smile and mean it
to say every word just as your heart says it
to hug and truly love

how does movie heroines make it look so easy? to just dedicate their whole existance to fulfilling the lives of others. with no malice nor even a trace of selfishness.

i want to be like them.
but often, i find myself falling short of their standards.
unable to be fully sincere with my every gesture.
to have no hidden purpose behind my every action.

my aim in life.
i am going to be
NICE.

2007-05-29T06:12:00.000-07:00

the month of may has been one heck of a month. never had i met a more turbulent month like this.
this month, i fell and stumbled alot through life's little pebbles. astonishingly, the falls made me stand up stronger than before.
no, not because i really became stronger and sturdier, but instead, it is more of the fact that i am too afraid to fall again. so afraid to fall that i force myself to stand.
stand and smile through adversity.
to become a cheerleader for myself. chanting and chanting I CAN DO IT! POSITIVE THINKING! GO! GO! GO!
things do get better. and i managed to become happier.
can you do that? tell yourself that you are going to be happier...and actually feel happier.
but i think its the fact that this hope and happiness i hold on to is so so frail and fragile that just a little negative energy is able to completely wipe me out.
like now.
it really hurts so much to be blind in a lie.
human hypocrisy never seems like too much of a deal until it taps you on the shoulder and shouts YOU ARE IT, BUDDY.
it is so scary to exist in a lie. because everything else turns unreal and i start doubting so much.
are you real to me? should i doubt your smiling face? is your laughter genuine? ARE YOU MY FRIEND?
and hope. the little hope i hold on to with dear life may mean nothing to others.
the hope that you know who i am.
i thought you knew.
i was such a fool to act like a fool. to jest around just to make everything seem like its alright. but then again, i am no fool. because i know your angst.
but maybe that is the only way that i, RUTH, know how to react.
this is the flawed me.
i thought u knew.

2007-05-02T06:09:00.000-07:00

i havent been updating because i am at the state where i am so busy, the precious few hours i have online serves only one purpose: GO TO YOUTUBE! WATCH ALL U CAN! HURRY!!
so...why am i blogging now?
because youtube happens to be loading.
hahaha. ;)

not much to update about my life except the fact that i am down with fever...again.
the office is seriously too cold.
and i am seriously too lousy.

CONSERVE ENERGY! TURN DOWN THE TEMPERATURE!

ahh, why is this entry starting to sound like one of guan you's? :(

WHY IS YOUTUBE SO SLOW??

the only thing i like about technology is youtube.

when i grow up (no i am not an adult yet, HRUMP), i will never own a BLACKBERRY. can u imagine being bugged by EMAILS 24 hours a day?!? *shudders at the thought*
at least for the case of handphones, smses can be from a loved one or family...but who would send caring EMAILS?!

so, all you blackberry addicts...i dont understand you.

2007-04-14T03:35:00.000-07:00

I. HAVE. EATEN. FRENCH. GOURMET.
prepared by 1-michelin star awarded chef, Sang-Hoon Degeimbre, the master of modern molecular gastronomy.
the food was...
AMAZING.
really really really amazing.

let me introduce you to the menu,

#1: 'Gin Fizz' Nitro-Meringue.

a spoonful of special cream- with gin, is placed into tub of liquid Nitrogen, temperature is -200+ degrees. so the cream hardens into a ball. u must quickly pick it up with your hands, and pop it straight into your mouth. the cream ball immediately combusts once it touches your tongue, leaving a tangy taste and a tickling sensation in your mouth. definitely an out of the world experience.

#2: Soya Cannelloni of Tuna, Watermelon, Liquorice Paper
this dish is paired with 2006 Miguel Torres, Santa Digna Cabernet Sauvignon Rose

Raw Tuna is rolled into the thin liquorice paper and placed on top of a slice of watermelon. a dullop of mayo is added on top. at first i was stunned by the combination - i mean, who eats raw fish with watermelon right? However, after putting it in my mouth, i must declare to the world that nothing else quite complements raw tuna like watermelon. the slight saltiness of the tuna paired seamlessly together with the sweetness of the watermelon, with the liquorice paper providing just a hint of bitterness. ahhh, pure bliss.

#3: Salmon and Courgette Tartare Flash-smoked in Szechwan pepper, Creamy Risotto
this dish is paired with 2006 Miguel Torres, Santa Digna Chardonnay

this dish is the most interesting. the plate is divided into 2 sections, the left side is raw salmon and the right side is cooked salmon. on the left side, the raw salmon is smoked in the most interesting way possible: smoke produced by the smoker is trapped in a cup, which is quickly used to cover the small tower of raw salmon. when u left up the cup, the smoke oozes out, giving out a waft of slight woody smell; extremely visually stimulating. the taste is wonderful. the texture of the raw salmon is chewy- u can just taste the freshness of the fish. on the right side is a creamy risotto, top with cooked salmon. because the salmon is only slight cooked, so all the flavours are gathered right in the middle of the fish and the taste is very much enhanced. Chef Sang-Hoon said that he did the 2 different sides so that we are able to compare and contrast the flavours, texture and taste of the fish.

#4: Liquid Ravioli of Yoghurt. Mango soup, Pineapple, Pear Sorbet with violet & Rise, Crispy Pearls. (dessert)

forgive me if i mention again that this dish is cooked in the most interesting manner. BECAUSE ITS TRUE! a syringe is used to contain the yoghurt, and dullops of yoghurt is then squirted into water. amazingly, once the yoghurt touches the water, a layer of skin forms and the yoghurt instantly turns into little yoghurt balls. these are then gentally scooped up and placed on top of mango puree. a special candy and little streds of rose petals is sprinkled on top. complementing this is a scoop of pear sorbet. the pear sorbet is light- not too sweet, just the way i like it. the yoghurt and mango produced a marriage of sweet and sour, while the rose petal gave a tinge of bitter flavour. the candy 'pops' in your mouth, providing a surprise.

#5: i also had a taste of a range of Fine cheeses with crackers. some were extremely savoury and there were some which was overwhelming.

however, one regret i had was that my palate is not trained enough to taste how the wine complements the dishes. :(

some interesting things happened:
- for all CLEO fans! remember the issue where they introduced 4 hot chefs? i met one of them - Michael Muller! he looks 10 times hotter than he is in the picture!!

MM: Bonjour!
Ruth: Good Morning!
Ruth: wait a second, were you featured on CLEO before?
MM: *nods and laughs* shit this is not good!

I WANT TO MARRY A CHEF!!!

2007-04-11T23:52:00.000-07:00

I am now blogging from my office. Haha, let me introduce you to the art of blogging in the office.
1) check CAREFULLY and make sure that your boss is not looking.
2) type with a serious expression. To make your act more real, occasionally sigh and scratch your head with a look of puzzlement and confusion.
3) be SMART. Type your entry in Microsoft Word first before posting it online. (as to what I am doing now)

BUT my dears, don’t start being envious of me and think that my work is damn free such that I have the free time to blog.

Let me reveal the honest truth of my life as a PR intern: I am DAMN busy.

This is like the first time that I actually have no work to do and can take a breather. This is because the PR department here is so understaffed that they have incessant projects to complete. So everyday, I leave the office with my brains fried because I’ve spent the day churning out press releases, advertorials, articals, etc.

Ah, but lets not forget the perks. Lunch here is absolutely free. So my daily net earnings are equivalent to my gross earnings. Not bad I say. I actually do earn $65 a day too because I work 10 hours a day (ok, this is not exactly a perk. Haha!).

My boss is really nice to me in the sense that she has lunch with me, treated me to a $40 lunch yesterday, and really let me learn things by trying not to give me too much sai gang.

My work is extremely wide ranged. One minute I can be writing an advertorial, the next I can be ushering important guests around Singapore and than I can be in Mediacorp watching interviews. (chris, I have met MANY cute chefs!! J ) It is extremely taxing but I think I am addicted to my job. I actually ask my boss for more work.

But I have my regrets. Although it is now the World Gourmet Summit, I havent got a chance to try any gourmet yet. L

evan yo!

2007-04-07T01:13:00.000-07:00

yesterday, what seemed like an absolutely normal day turned out to be a dream.

I WENT TO EVAN YO (CAI MING YOU)'S AUTOGRAPH SESSION!!

absolutely by chance.

christine and i were shopping around in Bugis when we chanced upon the stage where Evan was supposed to perform. at 7pm that night. I was naturally very excited as i rather like him after watching some of his MTVs on MTV. for once in my life, i actually DEMANDED christine to stay till 7 to watch him. she grudgingly complied, but not without throwing many pails of icy cold water on me (i know i am translating directly from chinese but i am too excited to care!!) with phrases such as "he looks like a damn girl la" and "i wanna go orchard instead!!", which she REPEATEDLY whined from 4-630.

so we walked around Bugis (wah, Bugis really doesnt have much to offer) and at 630, we promptly went to the stage area. the half an hour of waiting was close to hell as we repeatedly got chased around by the Starbucks people as well as the security people. BUT WE PERSERVERED and refused to look at the security man in the eye. FINALLY, at around 710, Evan yo came.

the moment he pranced on stage i was WOWED.

take a second look at his handsome face:

and...he looks MUCH HOTTER in live than in his pictures! because in his pictures he looks rather pale and skinny BUT HE IS ACTUALLY NICELY TANNED AND MACHO!! hahahaha! i remember the moment i saw him, i kept nudging Christine and screaming "he is very macho! he is very macho!!"

(too bad i couldnt show u some photos because my camera phone is really too lousy to capture ANYTHING!! urgh!!)

once again, my dear readers, HE IS REALLY VERY SHUAI!! :)

and...

HE CAN SING LIVE!! HE ABSOLUTELY CAN!!

after minutes, i could hear christine mumbling to herself "he is so shuai!". (a live demonstration of Hypocrisy! ha ha ha)

during the second song, Christine and i were waving to him like blushing shy school girls and HE SMILED AND WAVED BACK!!! it was a very personal wave as christine and i were the only ones around our area waving. Thank God for not very enthusiastic fans! hahaha

i was so stunned that i didnt know how to react so i just stood there dumbfounded. and i blushed. you may think that this is nothing much BUT i only blushed 2 times in my entire life and the other time was when i saw weichang when i was SEC 2!

after the singing session, christine and i walked back sadly, a sense of emptiness overwhelming us. then we couldnt stand it anymore so we TURNED BACK, BOUGHT A CD AND LINED UP TO GET OUR CDs SIGNED!

Evan's handshake was warm. his hands were BIG and WARM! :) and he smiled really sincerely at every fan.

here's what happened:

Evan: Ni Hao! ((chirpy voice- even though he had already signed for 1 hour plus)

Me: (supressing excitment) Ni Hao!!!!*excitment not masked very well*

Evan: *signs autograph*: xie xie!! *sticks out hand*

Me: *shakes his hand* -blurts out- Ni yao jia you!

Evan: ok! wo hui de!! xie xie! -sincere smile-

Me: almost died and shakily walked down the stage with Chris.

-30 seconds of heaven-

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

i've not done something so impulsive for a long time.

and it felt pretty darn good!

2007-04-04T05:12:00.000-07:00

i have decided to come clean with the frivolous, slacky holidays i have been leading since post A levels.

i am a youtube addict.

yes, i am one of those people who log on to internet for HOURS just so that i can watch drama serial after serial.

no, i do not watch any cool shows like 'prison break' or 'heros'.

yeap, u got it, i roam in the asian scene.

ok, fine. i alternate between taiwan and korean dramas. (yes i heard u groan)

as of late i have finally counted and consolidated on the number of celebrity crushes i've had since the start of my drama craze.

enjoy the show.

ok, first up!

i REWATCHED samsoon. again for the 3rd time. (pls try not to sigh too loudly). it is to refresh my love for the gorgeous, dashing, confident HANDSOME ...

HYUN BIN!!

he is the epitome of the combination of man-liness and boyish-ness. absolutely absolutely lovely to gaze lovingly at, even through the small and unclear youtube screen. for the third time. ahhh...*blissful sigh* those were the days. it was also through watching SAMSOON that i realised that i have the wonderful capability to stare at a screen for hours non-stop without my
eyeballs popping out.

After that, the kind charlene lent me her DVD 'FULL HOUSE'.

i watched it 3 times in one row. i understand your look of absolute shock because i was fascinated with my own capability to not feel bored.

it was such a lovely drama that i couldnt stop the moment i POPPED the first disc into my computer. so, my celebrity crush shifted from my dearest hyun bin to...

Rain! (hehe a sneak preview to a geeky rain). although at the start i was wondering how he managed to become a celebrity, BUT, at the last 4 chapters, his charm and cheeky smile got to me and i undestood fully why this dear boy had so many fans. (the MANY 'rain-bathing' scenes were also, i admit, quite convincing la...hehe)

After watching 'Full House', i decided that the k-wave part of me needed a break, thus i moved on to other pastures and embarked on a taiwan drama.

and goodness, was i rewarded!

the lucky me decided to watch Hana Kimi on youtube (heh, so when u suckers were watching chapter 1 on channel U, i was already at chapter 14 on youtube). and OH MY GOODNESS, what i lovely lovely show that refreshed my love for taiwan dramas. and it is because of this lovely show that i fell in love with...

Wu chun! need i say more? this hottie totally stoled the show and made Hana Kimi the most brilliant taiwan drama of the year! (ok, i know tt i am totally discrediting the scriptwriter, the director..but who cares? ) ok, even though i have to admit that his acting was a little stiff, but he made up with his hotness. so what else is there for me to complain about? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

So, in the midst of my Wu chun craze, i decided to watch ALL 3 of the shows that he starred in! so i watched Tokyo Juliet, which renewed my love for Wu chun. HOWEVER, as i was watching another of his shows entitled 'KO ONE', i discovered...

Yan ya lun aka Aaron. wow! is he a hottie or what!! his brooding good looks blew me away yet at the same time made me feel endeared to him. his silent yet significant presence in the drama caused me to constantly shift my gaze from wu chun to him. yes, i did feel a tad guilt for betraying my love for Wu Chun, but all's fair in love and war yeah?

So after all the Fahrenheit hype, i decided that it was time to stop the taiwan craze and JUST AT THE RIGHT MOMENT, dearest charlene stretched out her hands and lent me the korean drama, 'Sang Doo! Let's go to school!'. this masterpiece really touched my heart, and Rain's sincere and committed acting sealed me as an official RAIN fan. Rain! sarang hei!!

As of late, upon the recommendation of some of my 2c1 babes, i decided to give the taiwan drama, 'It Started With A Kiss' a try. and Wow wee was i glad that i took this leap of courage because through this drama, i found my true love...

JOE CHENG!! (haha his photo is bigger than the rest BECAUSE *duh* he is my current ONE TRUE LOVE) it is ever possible to find a hotter guy? Perhaps some of you might argue and claim LOUDLY(i bet just to spite me) "he is not so hot what!" BUT let me tell you, he has a character that (if it is possible...) even outshines his hot looks. i fell in love with him the moment i saw him laughing maniacally during NG shots. his odd character adds ALOT more to his appeal and yes, even his uneven teeth is super appealing. so there.

JOE CHENG!! JOE CHENG!! JOE CHENG!!

so now, i have embarked on a journey to watch ALL THE SHOWS he starrs in. and i have also started a calender just for the SOLE PURPOSE of counting down to the days when ISWAK 2 shows. wahahha

I hope u were entertained. :)

who says that i have a non-existant love life? ;)

2007-03-26T05:49:00.000-07:00

SHOUT OUTS:

maldivians:
its been two years.
everytime i think about those days i'll laugh along with my memories. undeniably, those were the best days of my life.
it was in Maldives that i realised that the sky can actually contain so many stars, the sun can come in so many different shades and the sea can appear to be 3 different colours at one time.
it was in Maldives that i realised that life can be more than just striving towards the untangible goals - because it is actually possible for man to be content with just what we have.
it was in Maldives that i met the best people in my life.
it's been two years and i'm glad that we're still friends. it seems like the friendships forged in the duration of 10 days can actually outlast those that were built through years.
even though we dont meet up quite so often, every outing reminds me of the friendship that still exists despite the lapse of time in between.
and i'm thankful for that.
to saturday's groupies (taupok, jc, squirrel, chris, zhimin), i really had a wonderful time! it was a terrific outing and lets go to the zoo soon!! ZOO ZOO ZOO!!

Christine: honestly, i believe that you contribute immensely to who i am today. thank you for your friendship because without you, i will definitely not be who i am today. the 12 years of my life not knowing you was spent being self-absorbed and it was you who taught be to give and live life with passion and joy. i love you piss, for being who you are, and more so for being my dearest BFF. :)

Squirrel: thank you for always being there for me. you are honestly the best guy i've ever known and i really want to let you know that i appreciate your friendship and your presence in my life. You are really a wonderful listening ear and a terrific person to hang around with. it is really my honour to get be your friend! :)

Lucy: u are my special friend! (the only one i truly keep contact with in 4b1..haha) :) thanks for those occasional outings, i never fail to have fun in them.remembering those times we had in CTSS really makes me laugh and i miss those times when we dont study and just draw the whole day in class. all the best in army and may we have more outings! ;)

Jiali: hey dear, even though i havent been seeing you lately, i know that you are living life well because you glorify God in everything that you do. :) i am proud of you and i really look up to you and wish that i can live life with such energy and passion as you do. i really hope to see u soon dear! :)

Rhoda: i miss you so much dearie! i miss your random and ditzy comments, but more so, I MISS U! terribly! you played such an important role in my NJ life and made up 1/2 of my memories in NJ. i miss those times where we whine about our results (even though i see no reason for you to do so), i miss those times where we sit in the front row during lit n econs tutorials. i miss u being in my life.

Charlene: dear, i do so enjoy taking korean classes with you. haha! every friday night would be a fun filled night :) i am so glad that we r taking advanced korean together. anyway, i just want to tell u that i really admire you for the way u treat your friends, your generosity and your love for others. thank you for being my friend dear.

Liyana: K WAVE!! ahahha wah i really miss u so much!! u are really one crazy girl! i admire u for your courage, your strength(mentally n physically!) and your unique character. HAHAH!! OK LA, seriously, i think u r a really special person and i wish i was more like u.

LAODA(fiona poh): i am truly truly glad tt u came back to ctss for a short teaching stint, cos i bet if u didnt, we would have drifted apart and i would have lost the chance to reunite with my dearest lao da. our fridays are always so fun! i am really so happy that the 3 of us are reunited again! LAO DA, I LOVE U!! :)

3 sub gang: when i went back to NJ to receive my results, i realised just how much i miss u guys. i miss sitting in the canteen and eating/trying to do work. i miss singing 'piggy-ling' to dearest sponge. i miss acting like a ah-lian with annie. i miss gossiping with khairi. I MISS 3 SUB GANG CAN WE PLEASE MEET UP SOON?

AO2 girls: u guys made my life in nj so colourful and memorable. spending a mere 2 years with u guys was a great injustice done to our friendship but i am really thankful for the chance to know u guys. i really enjoy every moment that i spend with u guys and i am really hoping to see u guys real soon! :)

38th (especially circle of trust): i recall back my council days and i never fail to say "wow, i cant believe i made it thru the term!" but then i realised that i made it through cos you guys were there to support me all the way. you were there to listen to the stupid jokes i made, u were there to offer a shoulder when things get too tough. i'd say council was worth it just knowing u guys! meet up sooN!

2c1 dearies: u guys made my teaching experience worthwhile. thank you for being so appreciative, it really made me feel a joy that i had never experienced before. i remember those times in the staffroom when i will smile a little silly smile to myself as i anticipate going into your class to teach and interact with u guys. thank you for providing those little tidbits of joy in my short teaching career. i miss u guys! ALOT. :)

wow...this is a really long post. :)

food for thought

2007-03-21T00:23:00.000-07:00

EGAD!! I HAVEN'T BEEN BLOGGING FOR SO LONG!!
at this point of time, i should sheepishly lower my head and then look up, with puppy eyes, then whisper INNOCENTLY: "sorry...laziness got to me".
-THE ABOVE MENTIONED is a skill i learnt from my dearest students-
anyways, i had been religiously watching a korean drama ( gosh, i can hear u groan) entitled "SANG DOO! LET'S GO TO SCHOOL!"
yes i know the title rhymes and it sounds rather silly...and when i reveal that the hero of the drama is RAIN, u guys will just sigh and deem me a lovesick rain-fan. (not that i deny this claim...aherm,)
BUT, this tear-jerker really touched my heart. really.
The drama explored the idea of love; more specifically, sacrificial love. however, in this aspect, sacrificial love was not only expressed as something honourable, heroic, etc; but instead, something that can hurt immensely.
many times when watching the show, i frustratedly asked myself just why couldnt the characters be more selfish in their love, and not choose to always sacrifice for the other party? if they had been more selfish, they would have been happier.
Right?
Then i realised that the essence of love is none other than sacrifice.
it is because love exists that the cliff of sacrifice opens and many take the plunge. it is because love exists that selfishness is no longer an option.
so all in all, it is a vicious circle.
THEN, why do we still continue to love despite knowing that by loving, we are throwing ourselves into the arms of sacrifice and hurt?
the answer given by the protagonist (uttered from the mouth of RAIN himself. ooh.) was: "i never thought i was unhappy".

and then i understood.

2007-03-05T06:25:00.000-08:00

my A level results are God's grace.
thank you Lord for giving them to me,
although i deem myself unworthy.
what does man know about God's plans?

2007-02-05T23:36:00.000-08:00

dear vangie,
have you arrived in Manila safely?
i'm sorry i couldnt say much in the airport because i really didnt know what to tell u.
i didnt want to face saying 'goodbye' to you.
until now i still cant believe that u left. watching you leave felt too surreal and unrealistic.
u left.
i am still shocked by the reality. and i realised that all these while i have been deceiving myself.
reaching home was worse.
your absence was a presence in the house.
we all felt it.
and we felt terribly hollow and crippled without u.
so i decided to sleep time away.
but time crept by and you are still not here.
then i thought of all the times when i took your presence for granted.
i thought that u will always be here. i thought that u will always be HERE.
i really miss u alot.
i miss the times where u yell at me for not making my bed, for not collecting my clothes, for making a huge mess in my cardboard, for singing too loudly in the bath.
i miss the times where u teased me about my countless flaws and mistakes.
i miss the times when i teased u.
i miss the times when u sang loudly along with your cheapo market CDs. even when i was mugging away in the next room.
i miss the times when u nagged at me for not having dinner at home, for losing my spectacles yet again, for forgetting to close the windows when it rains
i miss the times when u laughed
i miss the times when u comforted and made my fears seem so small
i miss the times when u taught me to appreciate the little things in life, the things which u didnt have in the past.
i miss u.
love, Ruth

2007-01-26T05:20:00.000-08:00

to know that i deal with young human lives everyday scares me.
being responsible for someone else is stressful.
"if i dont teach well today, they will fail their tests and suffer in the future"
"if i malign him today, he will suffer emotional scars"
the idea of insignificance is very appealing.
the feeling i experience now is sort of like the one i experienced while carrying cement in Maldives.
the feeling of wanting to just drop everything and go for a drink
the idea of insignificance is appealing.
but would i be happier being insignificant?

2007-01-11T06:14:00.000-08:00

since Christine posted some interesting stuff about her teaching experience, i shall update some of mine too! haha :)

Scenerio 1:
setting: I'm walking down the corridor to the staffroom, sees student.
student A:Good Morning Mrs Lim! (bows- with fingers on lips)

Scenerio 2:
Me: so class, have u finished your work?
Student A + B + C: (stands up to sweep the floor)

Scenerio 3:
Me: (teaching)...(turns around) Omg! Student A why are u crawling on the floor?!

Scenerio 4:
Me: What is your surname, boy?
Malay student A: eh Cher! i malay la! no surname!
Me: HAHAHA! sorry! hahah!!

Scenerio 5:
Setting: in the staffroom
Student: Is Miss Tan here?
Me: No, she is not. you want me to help u pass her something?
Student (in shocked and suspicious tone): But i need to pass her MONEY leh!!

Scenerio 6(a):
(student writes in journal entry): " i want to be a SAF officer because they have a lot of camping in camp."
Me: "yup u are right! You get to camp EVERYDAY!"

Scenerio 6(b):
(Student writes in journal entry): "my aim for this year is to make my hair soft so that it is easy to style"
Me: "HAHA! ME TOO!"

2007-01-08T04:42:00.000-08:00

dear vangie,
i am writing this because i cant seem to express myself whenever i see u. my throat just seems to close up and i just cant seem to tell you just how much i love you.
i cant believe i miss u already, even though you are with me everyday.
can you tell me what to do when u go back home?
i feel so helpless because i have depended on you all my life.
so this is what pain feels like.
it hurts so much that i dont even feel any other pain anymore.
i cant face you, because i feel like i can never fully treasure my last month with you.
can someone teach me how to treasure you? can you teach me?
i feel like i am grasping at thin air. i cant hold you back even though i want to hold on to you and never ever let you leave.
yet the more i try to hold on to you, the more i seem to push you away.
and i am so angry at myself.
Vangie, i miss u so much now, even if you are just next door.
you will take a part of me away, you know.
so this is what pain feels like.

2007-01-06T06:47:00.000-08:00

just came home from a mini ao2 gathering cum movie marathon.
i really miss u guys alot
i will continue missing you guys
nostalgia for my jc days hurt.
my heart feels choked and heavy whenever i see anyone wearing the full gray.
i miss u, njc.
i miss the teachers, the friends, the environment and even wearing the full gray.
i think of Ms Ling and Ms Vignesh and just know that my teaching can never match up to theirs.
i think of Mr Song and i miss the many times i teased him. then i think of Mr Teo and Mr Whitby-and miss them teasing me.
today reminded me of the laughter i shared with u guys daily. the crazy jokes, the wild laughter.
please stay by my side and keep me laughing.
please dont ever let me lose you people.

2007-01-03T05:20:00.000-08:00

my first day of teaching has been...tiring.
stepping out of the classroom 55 mins later feels just like i've just finished running a marathon. a 42km marathon, to be exact.
that's what teachers do. calm, composed and filled with vigour in class- then crashing with exhaustion into the staffroom.
this job is tough, no doubt.
i wont even deny the many times i longingly contemplated a job selling shoes or bags...fine, even underwear.
so it was my decision. i'd have to live with it.
but well, i wont deny the perks.
reading the students' work brings a smile to my face. thinking about their crazy antics make me want to roar with laughter while sighing with exasperation.
gosh, how would tomorrow be like?

2006-12-21T05:44:00.000-08:00

to you:
i apologise for being a presumptuous ass. i'm terribly sorry.
you probably wont even know that you are YOU.
so this apology is really for myself. to feel less horrible after the many months of pent-up guilt.
i'm sorry.
***
anyway my blog seems pretty moody these days.
no, i'm not experiencing depression or anything remotely near that. nah.
i'm just being feeling, well, introspective.
there is just so much change going through my life now. so i guess this blog is an outlet for the confusion and fear that i cant really express is verbally.
confusion, fear. but definitely not sadness.
:)
i'm still smiling.
and hopefully i continue to put a smile on your faces.

2006-12-14T18:48:00.000-08:00

dear friend,

the season of giving.

please

grant me the gift of your lasting presence

no, you cant promise that. no.

i cant either.

i'm not

good enough.

the season of losing.

i lost too much

eighteen years is too small a number

to learn losing.

if i've known, i'd...

make the same mistake again.

year after year.

the season of cherishing.

i thought i knew

how to... cherish.

my apologies

dear friend.

its only for so long.

so long.

i wish you well.

-ruth.

2006-12-07T07:29:00.000-08:00

the world is a confusing place.
i dont think i like it much.

2006-11-24T07:08:00.000-08:00

where is life going hence?
i'm scared.
i always thought i wanted a change in life. enough of the studying and move on.
i never know what i want.
a change of hairstyle just showed me how adverse i am to change.
the shelter that jc life had provided me with is suddenly ripped away.
and i'm left to grapple with lost identity.

2006-11-10T00:26:00.000-08:00

math is finally over. i'm done. no more math in my life anymore. i've paid my dues and i'm through.
lol. i seriously have a love-hate relationship with math that is based upon mutual torture. i've always found the analytical thinking behind mathematical principals ironically illogical and non-utilitarian.
i thought i was through with math after secondary school, swearing that i'll never give math a second glance in JC.
but i found myself struggling with math once again in nj.
my journey with math(haha) is significant. it seriously taught me that, cheesy as it seems, nothing is indeed impossible.
as long as you are willing to work for it, that is.
and so math ended yesterday. i proudly and loudly declared that i'm going straight home to discard ALL THINGS TO DO WITH MATH.
but as i was packing up(HAH, THIS IS RARE) my math stuff, i just couldnt bear to throw it away. the ratty tys represented the many tears and sweat that i've shed when labouring through the questions. more so for the many killer NJ prelim papers.
i just couldnt throw my hardwork away.

so now the box of math notes lay silently at the corner of my study room.

maybe one day i'll gather up courage to throw it away, and embark on a new journey to scale new obstacles.

2006-10-11T06:58:00.000-07:00

"Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century." - Mark Twain

what a beautiful quote surprisingly found from a shopping brochure.
25 years. yes thats what it takes to understand perfect love. so who are we to think that we already know all at this age? who are we to come to the conclusion that love no longer exists?

but world, why did u smirk when u see the words 'perfect love?'. this idealism of mine may seem extremely naive in "THE 21st century". but why? why must love be adulterated? must everything be fast, non commital, and purely skin deep? i dont understand...and it is necessary denial when i refuse to acknowledge and accept this? pray, world, keep your idealism before you lose it all. because i believe that what we truly need even more now is idealism.

pray, world, dont lose heart.
because true love still exists. more so perfect love.

2006-09-28T22:12:00.001-07:00

here's a typical conversation between my maid and i:
setting: Vangie cleaning the fish tank, me sitting on the couch reading silas marner

ruth: are you afraid of death?

vangie: nah, everyone has to go through it what.

ruth: you're not afraid just because everyone has to go through it?

vangie: - long pause- when i die, i want to be buried striaght away. so there is no need for any operation or chemicals to be injected into my body just to preserve it for a few days.

ruth: how long does it take for a human body to decompose?

vangie: i donno. one to two days maybe.

ruth: like meat.

"man's life is as cheap as beasts." -King Lear, William shakespeare.

-------------
with exams aside, i find it easier to enjoy literature. once again i rediscover the reason why i decided to take the road less taken- to study ARTS, or more specifically, Literature.
its quite astonishing to see how writers put our inner most complicated, illogical thoughts to words.
for instance, i can truly feel Silas's desolation, loneliness and helplessness when he first moved to Raveloe, after his faith in both God and man have been cruelly distroyed. Because that's what i know i'll feel if i am suddenly and harshly pushed away from everything that i believe in, and more specifically, my religion.
i finally realised how important my Faith is to me, and how integrated into my life it is. because it IS me.
yes, i definitely emphatise with Silas and at the same time, pray that something like that never ever happens to me. cos unlike Silas, i've deeply afraid that i'll turn to something much more harmful than a spinning wheel.

2006-09-28T22:12:00.000-07:00

2006-09-21T01:23:00.000-07:00

alas, the second week of prelims hath but put me in a state of bewilderment and shock.
paper after paper i feel as if i am spiralling downwards to my utter destruction.
shock after shock, blow after blow. and mentioning shocks, i just found out from christine's blog that the prose for P8 is about WW2, which i UTTERLY, COMPLETELY, did not detect AT ALL. while i just found out that karen thinks that the 2nd poem of the black boy is TOUCHING while the ever-brilliant me thinks that its MOCKING.
AH! NO MORE! THOU'ST BREAK MY HEART. (compliment this with your hand over your heart and bitter laughter)
yes it is. divine RETRIBUTION.
tomorrow's the last paper. finally.
but instead of joy, i feel this impending doom as well as sorrrow. because the last paper signifies the end of prelims- which means that there is no more chance for me to make up for my soon-to-be-reality lousy grades.

prelims are but MOCK tests for the A levels.
i wonder if they notice the pun.

2006-09-14T05:32:00.000-07:00

walaa i havent blogged for so long!
and msn seem to have died on me. whY wHY WHY!?!
and then again, msn had always seemed to die on me during exam periods.
hahaha. maybe ite divine intervention. *shrugs*
i'm at the halfway mark for prelims already, with the most tedious papers such as math c paper 1 and econs paper 3 out of the way. thank God.
but still 4 more papers to go.
sometimes i wonder if A levels is a test of our perseverance and stamina. it seems so, and the victors are those who have enough stamina to last till the end of the As. people who tolerate and grind through this tedious period of time.
PATIENCE, PATIENCE I NEED!!
-
these 2 years as an njcian, i can say, have been the best experince of my schooling years. in happiness is quantifiable, then my days in njc is definitely filled with more laughter than tears. there is so much that is precious to me in this school such as a01, a02, council, choir, maldives. all the friendships that i've received and embraced. i feel so blessed!! :)

2006-08-30T08:15:00.000-07:00

MINE.
THOU SHALL NOT STEAL.

2006-08-15T06:10:00.000-07:00

surprisingly, mr dio brought inside to my life today.
i need a new purpose to study.
i realised that i've been blindly mugging for the past few months of my life. mugging with an utterly blurred vision of my aim. wait. what was it again? oh yes, to get into university. to do my parents proud.
both these aims had been successfully refuted by mr dio today. he's right u know. i've got to be my own person one day.
so, what to study for? for the fact that i want to excel? to reach a higher level of self-satisfaction?
all my life i've known the fact that if u study hard today, you will gain happiness in the future. but
having happiness in the future is just a round-a-bout way of getting happiness. what if i'm already happy now?
ah, what brilliant insight. but then the even tougher question now is, am i happy now? and what makes me happy?
the sad thing is that many of us dont know what makes us happy. what if i'll never ever reach a state of contentment?
mr dio said that there is 2 ways to attain happiness. either to change your environment or change yourself.
the usual way we are thought now is to change our environment, and thus, we get those supposedly inspiring talks about excelling in our studies, getting a good job, blah. supposedly, this is supposed to make us happier.
however, the second way is to change my own perspective of life. i can be very contented with where i am now and tada, i've got happiness right in front of me.
well, all these is based on the assumption that the main goal of your life is to be happy. and well, i think we all innately wish for happiness...and that's why we try so hard in life.
however, i find it exceedingly difficult to be content with my current state of life because i'm at a transition time of my life. so...being content now means being content with my..daily life? this daily monotonous routine of school-home-school-home?
i guess i'm a perfect analogy of why man will always find it difficult to come in terms with himself. to accept the way life is and be happy.
because we'll always find excuses to not be content with life.
...so what do i do now?
have faith, Ruth. have faith and be happy.
back to mugging. whether blindly or not.
'all we've got to do is trusten' - silas marner

2006-08-10T07:58:00.000-07:00

my birthday this year was indeed as memorable as last years. thankyou all for making this day such a special one for me ;)
i shall make a record of the love i received on this special day so i can look back and remember in the future

thank you...
- mommy and daddy: thank you for giving birth to me and taking care of me for the past 18 years of my life! thanks for the birthday cake! :)
- da jie for the notebook and the skirt. i love u sis! :)
- pisstine for the lovely exotic earrings! :) u made my morning! :)
- jiali dear for the beautiful notebook and all the photos inside. u mean so much to me dear!! :)
- rhoda for the gold earrings! man, u still remembered that i liked them! thanks dear!! :)
- lucas for the pink mp3 and the lunch. i'm still flabbergasted!! :)
- alfred for the puzzle. URRGH i'm 18!!
- khairi and guanyou for the cards!
- ling hui for the beautiful silver earrings!
- vivian for the star studs and the letter ;)
- a02 for the lunch! u guys mean so much to me! :)
- squirrel and jim for the phonecalls. :)
- to all those for SMSed me!! thank you for remembering my bday ;)

hehe i feel so loved! :)

2006-08-03T07:59:00.000-07:00

its one hour to my birthday.
i'm filled with anticipation to see what happens this year.
i'm like a little kid when it comes to my birthdays because it never fails to be the best day of the year. honest. last year's birthday was so memorable as it was spent with my dearest Maldivians.
how will this year's be like?
hmm....

2006-07-26T08:40:00.000-07:00

tmr is half-day so i'm in a clebratory mood again. thus, i blog. HURHUR. ;)
schools getting enjoyable these days as i get closer to my class, closer to the 3 subber gang. one and a half years - thats how long i took to open up to my class. dont be surprised, cos i surprised myself too. and at this point of time, i'm feeling quite regretful that i didnt open up earlier and i wonder what stopped me from stepping out of my comfort zone earlier. i should have given them a chance earlier - should have given myself a chance.

is it true that to gain some..you have to lose some?
and that....perfection only comes once?

because i'm definitely contented with my life now.
and like what annie said, this is definitely sufficient to last me thru my ending months in NJ.

i fell in love today

i'm positive i want to marry Mr Whitby. :)

love transcience time.
a fifty-year age gap is really not that bad. ;)

2006-07-19T07:09:00.000-07:00

today nj was hip as we celebrated racial harmony day cum cip day. well, maybe more of like, my class was really hip as everyone turned out in ethnic clothings and we really had alot of fun. :)
WE ARE NOT GREY!! (ok, maybe except kaijie)

i think the school admin was pretty proud of our enthusiastic class that many teachers took pictures of us. the first thought that came to my mind was: "ARE WE GOING TO BE ON KM!?!" hahaha
just look at us- racial harmony personified!

i borrowed the baju kurong from liyana..and i was decked out in BRIGHT PINK. wahaha u'd never guess that the tom-boyish liyana wears bright, hot pink ;)

a01 girls :) aww, dont we look nice!

but the price to pay for wearing the baju kurong is the heat that i had to endure (ok, lets not talk about those wearing sari). haha. here's a picture of us looking hot and bothered:

WOULD U JUST LOOK AT LIYANA?!

ok, all the bimbotic parts aside, this day was surprisingly endearing and heartwarming (woohoo i'm using transfer epithet. mr whitby would be so proud of me). a01 combined with a02 took 14 kids from presbyterian child care services around the school and interacted with them. the kids are so lovable and endearing, especially a little girl name JOYOUS. my fav. :) she first approached me cos i was all decked out in PINK and PINK was her favourite colour. she has a fiesty character and is a deeply loyal person. once she had decided in her childish mind that she liked me, i instantly became her one and only favourite jie jie.
as we were sending the kids off, she kept looking back and kept telling me "i miss you already". she even made me promise that i would wave goodbye to her when she gets on the bus. but the sad thing was, i didnt get to see her even though i was frantically waving.
well, at least she'll always have the yellow hairclip i gave her. and hopefully, she remembers me.
JOYOUS made me joyous :)

2006-07-15T07:12:00.000-07:00

this morning is lovely :)
jiali decided on an impluse tt we should go and eat dimsum so this morning, squrriel, jiacheng, jiali and i trooped down to china town. squirrel was SO HAPPY to be back to where his cultural roots lies. haha.
the hilarious thing is tt jiali and i jokingly coherced squirrel and jiacheng to treat us to dimsum, but poor jiacheng was so nervous he kept saying tt he was full! haha! but in the end, the nice guys conceded to give us a treat ON THEIR OWN FREE WILL. heh. hahaha u should see jiacheng's relieved expression when he saw tt the meal only cost $36. :X
then the most hilarious thing happened. a harmless, innocent girl carrying a donation tin came towards squirrel to ask for donation and squirrel went "kamsahamida" (thankyou in korean) in an attempt to seem like he wasnt singaporean so that he didnt have to donate! the rest of us were so shocked and flabbergasted by this atrocious act that we went wild laughing.
bowling was terribly fun. i think i am getting good, so perhaps enrichment week really did help. i got a STRIKE and two SPARES lohhhh (just in case u were smirking, haha) squirrel has hidden talent for bowling!!! hahaa.
yupp, so it was really a lovely day spent with the people who are most precious to me - maldivians.

2006-07-09T05:07:00.000-07:00

hurhur. I'VE BEEN TAGGED! by christine. what an ass. :)
INSTRUCTIONS:1. Do the following without complaining.
2. Choose 5 people to do this after you've completed yours.
3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say that he/she has been tagged.
4. Start your post with "I have been tagged!" then do this.
FAVOURITES:
color: YELLOW BABY!! hahahah. and dark brown. a classic fav.
food: \fish. tofu. sushi. the best thing nj has ever done is to bring in a sushi stall and a yong tau foo stall. hehe.
movie: she's the man. the last samurai. and since there is no DRAMA section, i shall include METEOR GARDEN!! :)
sport: skipping. hahaha.
day of the week: definitely friday. i end at 1140AM!! *GLOATS*
season: its SUMMER baby!! :)
ice-cream: Strawberry

Current:
mood: relaxed yet stressed about blogging instead of doing gp.
taste: milk taste. lol.
clothes: my pri school house T-shirt. PUMA HOUSE! :)
desktop: pasture scenery.
toenail colour: alternating between white and purple.
time: 815pm
surroundings: my study room
annoyance: i am still sore that brazil is out of the world cup. VERY SORE INDEED.
thoughts: should i really do my gp research?

Firsts:
best friend: christine. lol.
crush: my pri school classmate. lol for 3 years la!!!
lie: HAHA!! i poured water on my baby sister's bed and told my maid tt my sis pee on the bed!!! HAHAHA!!
music: HUH HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER?!

LASTS:
cigarette: YUCKS I AIN'T A SMOKER!!
drink: milk!
ride: bus 61.
crush: i am currently harbouring a crush on a stranger. i'll get over it soon. HAHA!
movie: SHE'S THE MAN!! a must watch!!
phonecall: alfred. lol.
CD: LEE HOM. in my entire lifetime i only bought 3 CDs. jerry yan, lee hom and josh groban. haha!

HAVE YOU EVER:
dated one of ur best friends: sort of. as in, he was sort of my best friend. haha.
broken the law: not tt i remember...
been arrested: NO!!!
skinny-dipped: ARGH NO!!
been on tv: yes in ndp 2004 and in this duno what chinese show for 1 sec.
kissed someone that you dont know:no!! my first kiss is saved for my wedding day.
4 things you did today: i went to church, sang in choir, taught my sis chinese, read cleo.
3 things you can hear right now: the cars downstairs, the fan whirring, me blowing my nose.
5 people to do this: rhoda, Charlene, qiling!!, guannie!

2006-07-02T09:05:00.000-07:00

so the sambaboys lost the game. the match this morning was a bad dejavue of brazil's defeat to france in 1998. for a dieheart fan of Brazil, i have to admit that this morning's lost was heart wrenching. terribly heartwrenching. and definitely a bitter reminder of the past.
tears flowed in Brazil as well as in a HDB flat somewhere in the middle of bukitbatok.
what happened to brazil? was in complacency or just simply a lack of stamina and skill as compared to their french counterparts? the controversy exists. however, i wish to play no part in the blaming game because in my heart, brazil will always be the champions.
call me biased, but my honest opinion is that there is no other team that plays the beautiful game as well as Brazil. they play to inspire the spirit of true sport in the millions watching the game. playing with absolute enjoyment that come with the crafting of beauty. Brazil.
then the issue of sportmanship. i must say that they were absolute gentlemen on the field. from encouraging their opponents to smiling when receiving a yellowcard. this is what, i feel strongly, sport is about. and more specifically, what the world cup is about.
so to critics out there, enough of the blaming game. Brazil is not about blaming because true Sport is not about pointing an accusing finger at one another.
in their own way, Brazil had already triumped.
and thats why i'll keep supporting them.

2006-06-29T09:02:00.000-07:00

common tests this week. er...i dont know whether its good or bad..er...
hahahhaha. i think i've come to a state where i dont even know whether i did well or not, since my own assumptions have been inaccurate thus far. so....let the results speak for themselves ;)
2 more lit papers to go. :(

its time to let go and let God.
chris: thank God i have u by my side. ;)

2006-06-27T06:55:00.000-07:00

i miss my sis. :(

2006-06-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

my hols have been surprisingly quite fruitful. maybe cos my absolute priority this time wasnt really mugging and i left some time to do the things i like to do. its the hols after all-or so i tell myself.
first was the missionary trip to Mersing. really meaningful and made a huge impact on my life.
then was 30 hrs famine camp last week. honestly, starving for 30 hrs aint that bad and really really honestly, many of us werent that hungry at all. lol except maybe dear sponge who was hallucinating towards the end. :D
alright. i brought home with me so much after the camp, despite going in with the attitude that i probably wasnt going to learn much. it was an eye opener to see the extent of poverty around the world. you think u already know ALOT about the poor- trust me, you probably dont. because i felt the same way too before i went for the camp. with every meal i eat now i kinda feel guilty because there is so much for me to be thankful to God about and just a simple prayer isnt enough. at all. in retrospec, i whine too much. complain too much. about the stupidiest and littlest things in life. even when i've got so much to be thankful about.
i also had to sacrifice a small bunch of my hair for money during the stimulation game. i know, its just hair, but to me...it was frankly, quite upsetting...until..until i saw my foolishness. superficiality. pride. dignity. gets kicked out of the door when crisis strikes.
ok i know i'm rambling. but i just have alot to say. lol. i think i learnt so much that in the end, the starving seemed so insignificant.

2006-06-07T23:58:00.000-07:00

i've been tagged by jon so i here goes.
(oh boy, i do conform. hahahah.)
10 random things about me:
1) i really wish that i am mugging now instead of blogging.
2) math gives me a terrible headach.
3) i want to marry Channing Tatum (the male lead in 'she's the man')
4) i've always really really liked jerry yan. since sec 2. i watch 'meteor garden' once over after EVERY exam. yes, since sec 2.
5) i bought a hat and i dont know what to do with it now.
6) i think my maid shouts too much. i am secretly hoping that she'll get a sorethroat soon.
7) when i hear michelle branch sing "breathe", i cant breathe.
8) i think the pussy cat dolls are the best all girl band since the spice girls.
9) i fell in the love the moment my eyes landed on yushun, a 6 yr old boy from Mersing.
10) i really want to go back to Maldives, kudafari once more with njMaldivians.

love,
Ruth

2006-06-02T22:02:00.000-07:00

i am back from my missionary trip to Mersing. :) through the trip, i gained much more than i can ever ask for. as i was explaining to the kids about God and his love towards us, i found myself telling them about my personal experiences and as i was recalling my experiences, it seemed as if i was gaining further insight to my life.
"how do you know that God is here?"
an innocent question asked my a 9 year old.
yet the question actually probes deeper and further. and i realised that there is no complicated answer but "thats why its Faith".
the problem is that, if u can actually physically SEE God, then there is no longer greatness in Faith, or rather, it is no longer Faith.
:) and through teaching, i believe i learnt as much as the kids did.
the little kiddos in Mersing are so lovable. falling down is nothing as they just pick themselves up and continue playing. they dont practice prejudice and play with one another as equals. noone is ostracised. no one is left out. and and i feel happily enveloped in the swarm of kids. to them, the teacher can solve anything, with them showing cheeky obedience and absolute trust in us.
children. they dont need you to love them first before they start loving you. and once you show them some love, they give you back more than you can ask for. the hugs, the kisses and the smiles. they will always be etched deeply in my mind.

"teacher, you'll be back soon right?"

i miss them already.

-Ruth

2006-05-23T09:25:00.000-07:00

12:23 am. 24 May 2006
my last day as a full councillor officially ended 23 minutes ago. in just 7 hours time, i have to step down and let go. let go of council life.
how can i? when i feel as if i still got so much to do, so much to give?
"the 38th student council. proud to have served"
yes. we stand before you proud to have gone through the term. to have made a difference. perhaps to you we might not have gained much. but to me, knowing 73 other special people who dared to step up, put their necks on the line just to serve others, and this is the priceless gift that i've received and there are no regrets. no regrets at all.
i love council life. more so, i love 38th.
i've learnt so much, gained so much, and given so much.
perhaps such experience is once in a lifetime. and all i've got now are memories for me to look back upon.
council.
service with honour.
we did it, 38th. we did it.

-ruth

2006-05-01T06:51:00.000-07:00

38th student council
is my EVERYTHING.
this 1 year together. we made it through...more than that, we made it through WELL. council, thanks for always being there for me. everyone of you made such a difference to my life and what more can i say but "thank you"?
i learnt teamwork. trust. interdependence. friendships.
i love council.
maybe that's why i was fierce towards the juniors. because council is so precious to me, i want to make sure that they will do even better in their term.
elects camp 2006.
i believe that i learnt far more in this camp then last year's. ironic but true. we disciplined with love and care. we moltivated the juniors and encouraged one another. we went the extra mile for this camp.

the hike. i believe i became mentally much stronger after a year in council. i know that no matter how tired i was, i will finish the hike because u guys will be there for me and i could never let u guys down. i'm so glad tt poopies bonded and walked as one...so touched that i had to hold back my tears because there was just so many memories. we did right this time, barbarians.

the group sessions. i felt like an anxious parent when i spoke to the juniors. there was so much that i wanted to tell them yet so much that i wanted them to discover by themselves. i'm so glad i bonded with poopies so well and i wish all of them the very very best in their council term!

the human ring. this is my first time participating due to my ankle injury last year. and i'm glad that my first time could be the most memorable. as i was holding on, i kept encouraging each other. even though there was an innate fear that i couldnt hold for 10 mins, i somehow knew tt i could make it because there will be people supporting me. always. and i can never let the 38th down. and the 38th will never let me down.

even though council term might be ending in 1 mths time, i believe that we will still always stay as 1 council. because of all that we have gone through, the bond we made will always remain. this kind of friendship is most precious and i'll always hold on to it.

i love 38th.

Ruth Lim
IDEAS committee
Secretary

2006-04-10T06:39:00.000-07:00

1) 10 things u want to say to 10 different people
2) no names mentioned
(got this from chartu's blog )

1) i know we'll still be friends even when we're old and fogey. i will only do the most embarassing things when i'm with you (like the leg tilt, the victory dance, speaking in auntie chinese, etc) because i know you'll be silly back. no matter what rubbish i utter i know you'll always understand. u never fail to light up my days with ur presence. i never have to lie to you because u read me like a book, and thank you for always being a sensitive friend. all 6 years. 80 more to go. :D

2) thank you for being my newfound friend. although new, i cant believe that you're one of the closest friend of mine. thanks for always being there for me, listening to my every problem with patience and always putting a smile on my face with ur funny msgs.

3) oh dear what would i do if you're not with me in a01?! i think i would be a loner already! :) thanks for my daily companion and always being there for me whenever i feel angsty. thanks for always being there to listen to me and thanks for being the true blank of thine eye. :D i love whining with u!! :D

4) dearie, thanks for always being there to light up my life with ur encouraging words. thank you for being the companion that walks down the ardous and fruitful path of being a christian with me. :D i love being ur listening ear and thank you for being mine too :D IDEAS rocks! :D

5) hey dear, i understand that this is a difficult period of ur life, but dun worry, i'm more than glad to be there for u! :D i really want u to be happy because u deserve to be. pls dont give ur heart away so easily cos it saddens me to see u hurt.

6) spending 1st 3 mths in njc with u guys are the best thing that happened to me. i loved everyday of that term and i miss being with u guys terribly. i miss the excitement of school with u guys and most of all, i miss the bond we had together.

7) 10 days on a small island with u people were simply the most memorable thing that happened to me. i can still remember everything tt we did so vividly..from washing clothes to carrying gunny sacks, those endearing memories will always be in my heart!! :D

8) the both of u are the closest seniors to my heart. thank you so much for the friendship and being the older brothers i never had. :D i miss u guys so much now that u r in the army and i wish u guys the best in ocs! :D to you: of all people, u deserve the most to be happy because u have the most patient, endearing and gentle heart! so i really do hope that u r much happier now! :D !

9) i will always look back and miss the time we had together. those memories still make me laugh and i find myself sometimes telling others of it too. and i realise that to me, u'll always be that wonderful guy. i have no regrets, absolutely no regrets, for having that experience.

10) all 74 of u that make council so close to my heart. every project that we embark on we grow stronger and closer. and especially to the 10 of u, i love working and thinking of quirky ideas with u guys cos u guys rock so much. igs. :D

-there u have it, the 10 things i want to say :D

2006-03-31T18:36:00.000-08:00

yesterday was choir's pre-tour concert, soundscape.
the choir, in my opinion, was great. i think it was seriously a very entertaining and impressive performance. standing backstage, i was so proud of the choir family!! hey jude brought back many memories :)
nope this time i aint singing but instead, helping out as the backstage crew. hahah, nope i dun dare to address myself as PA crew cause i'm definitely not up to the standard of the damn pro guys! :) in fact, i think i'm not too good a backstage crew. :( hahahha. man, i even had to have xinming tape all the wires to the stage floor. hahaha! even though many times i think i yue bang yue mang, i ignored that negative thought and continued to tell myself that PA is my secret talent! :P
a new experience indeed.
i think i'm gonna give the PA guys flowers next time cos it feels darn good to be a backstage crew and still get flowers! (thanks chartu, mug and melfred) *winks* not only that, have people tell u they love u when all u do is to go onstage to put the mike stand. :P of course, up close and personal with the hot choir guys. ( i really dont mean you, haoguang) hahahhahah! :P
i swear i didnt drop the mike.

2006-03-27T05:43:00.000-08:00

the minute exams end, fever came knocking on the door.
its all quite horrible, being stuck at home while others are out.
well perhaps i should still be thankful that the sickness came Before and After the exam and not during. yeah. i ought to be thankful..but does this show that i am least stressed during exams itself? or is it because i am TOO STRESSED that i cant get sick?
u know, if you're gonna do it, do it EXTREME. haha.
can u believe it, the doctor actually asked me to talk so much?
*tries to look insulted*
but seriously, it hurt so much to talk that i dont even bother talking anyway. and if u actually shut up for a few days, u become more aware of everything around you.
and its a good reason to shut my maid up when i watch tv cos she LOVES talking when the show is on.
i think i am getting used to not talking.
the extent of laziness.
can u imagine me as an introvert?

2006-03-15T09:18:00.000-08:00

this past 5 days have been spent at home mugging.
haha, i sincerely apologise for not blogging because there is simple nothing to blog about! haha
can u imagine? 5 days worth of blogging detail:
"uh, i sat down and started mugging. OH! OH! and i watched an hour 's worth of tv today. wow! it was fab!"
so do u understand my plight now?
but i shall try.
OH! OH! i am going to mug with dim sum gang tomorrow! at the library!
wow! its gonna be smashing!

2006-03-10T07:26:00.000-08:00

its 10 march today and this date will always be significant in my heart.
10 march is the day 35 special NJCians first embark on their trip towards maldives, kudafari.
i will always remember. 10 march 2005, friday, meet at 8pm at changi airport terminal 1.
this is where friendships that would last through the test of time started. this is where i found true friends, and what it feels like to experience true friendships.
everyone of them.
35 hearts, 1 soul.
now its 1133pm.
we were still stuck in the airport at that time, waiting for our delayed flight to Sri Lanka airport. we took emirates. i had my first conversation with keefe, meltee and jolynn.
i remembered running through the airport pretending that we were on amazing race.
i remember waiting so long for the previous flight to clear, to the extent that i was wondering if we had missed our flight.
12:10. we boarded the plane.
i watched "the incredibles" there and back. forcing myself not to sleep coz i wanted to sleep on the 8 hr boat ride.
i ate fish.
my extremely exhausted flight partner, keefe, died instantly. tsk.
4 hrs later.
we reached sri lanka airport.
transit 6 hours. OMG.
smoking room. OMG.
i leaped onto the plane when we finally could board.
1.5 hrs later
Male!!
8 hr boat ride later.
i am sick of looking at christine's sleeping face.
WE REACH KUDAFARI!!:D

its a wonder why all these little details are stuck in my mind. they are so vivid, just as if they happened a few days ago.
i cant let go of these memories. and i never will.
happy birthday maldives!
:D

2006-03-07T05:54:00.000-08:00

i cant believe i am still sick.
:(

2006-03-04T06:28:00.000-08:00

the posting results are out and
its the sad time of the year again.
it just reminds me so much of what happened to a02 last yr.
people had to leave, there were tears.
and looking at my junior class now and 0G1,
tears are just welling up my eyes.
i might not be able to express myself well when faced with this kind of circumstances. i know i just stood there, stoning, and the only words that came to my mouth was "so sad"
because its like an old scar being ripped open again.
last yr's posting -
brynner, sheng, cass, nat.
i never actually recovered.
the scar always has scabs left for me to pick on.

2006-02-27T05:52:00.000-08:00

whoever says that nj is not a fun school has to be blinded by prejudice.
come on! which school watches "my boyfriend is type B" during civics lessons!
yeaps. the show is a no-brainer so it really helps us to relax after mind numbing lessons. like math. perhaps the school should make this routine. this is what civics lessons should be like!
***
life these days is just one hectic ride. i'm on a raft. barely holding on to the rapid current. its moving so fast that i dont even have the energy to resist it. i'm just flowing along this stream of routine...on the way hoping to perhaps spot a catch or another to amuse myself. perhaps this then will make the stream more exciting.
with u, it could have been a waterfall.
perhaps its really time to take an off day.

2006-02-25T01:03:00.000-08:00

i've got to rant.
all this insanity.
can u imagine sitting down 3 hours straight and just not knowing how to solve a question that others deem easy?
it is just so frustrating.
one idea after another. its like trying to break through a stone wall, ending up just getting smashed in the head.
its like that u know.
always one step behind.
by the time i manage to drill a small little hole into the dreadful grey wall, another wall, bigger and stronger than ever, construct in front of my eyes.
it is irritating, and it drives me irrational.
i shouldnt wonder how it would be like if things were different.
if i were free of math.
because all it causes is misery and pain of a regretful mistake.
i tell myself. move on, get it over and done with and no more of math ever again..just tide through the year and i'll be fine.
but the stone walls are coming closer. so fast.
suffocating.
i have caustrophobia.
misery.

2006-02-22T05:51:00.000-08:00

i finally completed all 4 of my interview sessions.
no, i'm not overly enthusiastic. i only signed up for 3 but end up covering one for meimei as she was sick.
hahaha.
honestly, i can be really tiring to do have 4 interview slots as they drag from 4-7pm. maybe longer.
however, this has exposed me to many probable council elects.
some were not bad...some were...not too good.
hmm. i shant reveal too much.
from some feedback i got, i think i kinda came across as being fierce. hahaha. man, and all my life i thought i've got a friendly face! :(
but i mean well and may this be a very memorable experience for those who went thru it. its so memorable that i still can remember my own interview last yr VIVIDLY. hahahha.
***
today was the funniest bus ride i've even taken in my ENTIRE LIFE. i'm serious. we were howling with laughter throughout the entire 30 mins. hahha. ok, for the clueless, here's some brief info.
for starters i was riding the bus with my fellow bt batok guis, chiiyeh and christine. hahahhaa. we were making a fool out of ourselves at the bus stop. okok, its more like chris and i were making a fool of ourselves and chiiyeh just stood at the side watching.
ahahhahah.
what a joke.
rhoyeh club rocks

2006-02-19T06:19:00.000-08:00

today was....
insignificantly significant.
sigh.

2006-02-17T05:02:00.000-08:00

today was road run day.
surprisingly, for this year, i had the honour to run with the house flags. i was truly a new experience as we were cheering and singing and talking throughout the entire 4.2km.
here's introducing the representatives of the respective houses:
AERIUS!: tran, veron, hulin, rhoda and I!
IGNIS: chartu, pisstine, dismas. (nuans n bengs joined later)
SOLARIS: mingfong, xiaolong
LIGNUM: Grace, bestfriend, mugmao, simon
TERRA: Loreen
AQUA: suisui, haowen
-if i left anybody out, i'm terribly sorry-
so yeaps it was really fun. i had fun with u guys! :D

2006-02-14T07:12:00.000-08:00

ITS VALENTINE'S DAY AGAIN!!
mwhahaha this commercial holiday sure got the best of us when u see everybody getting into the mood of this special occasion.
i tell u, the mood today was MUCH more festive and lively than CNY. haha. people walking around wishing each other "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY", passing each other gifts, the love songs playing in the canteen...
its no wonder valentine's day is liken to a second christmas. :)
well this yr's valentine's day just made me realised how fulfilling my life in njc actually is, with many friends around who care about me. thank you guys for making me feel so special on this special day. :D
the day started off with a vday pubstunt from council to the school population. it was really funny with chris n i acting stupid with our paper sun in the podium. hhahhaa, regardless of what u may think, it was darn fun! :D
yeap so i was one of those pple who conformed to this commercial holiday and walked around school passing my love ones flowers, cookies and hugs. :D i really like vday. it makes u feel special both by receiving gifts and GIVING gifts. :D
i also went DJ-ing in the canteen with xiaolong, chris, and occasionally, jocelyn. hahaha. it was super funny with xiaolong and chris acting despo, advertising themselves to the school. hahaha. u guys crack me up! :D
crapped around with christine in school. hahah. i miss her so much!! :D I LOVE U CHRIS, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!! :D
went out with alfred after school for dinner. mwahahha. *looks despo* thx melfred for saving me from spinsterhood today. haha! :D i was this close to dating my parents. mwahaha!
special thanks to :
BRYNNER N SHENG!! THX FOR SENDING THE FLOWERS TO NJC!!! oh man u guys really really rock!! thx so much!!! :D i love u guys n such frienship can never be found ANYWHERE and not anybody can understand. :D

2006-02-11T06:51:00.000-08:00

chris and ruth goes:
"LO-LO-LO-LOVE! LO-LO-LO! LET ME HEAR U SAY!!?!LO-LO-LO..."
and the song goes on and on.
ohh. its the song that never ends.
hahahha
:D
as u can infer, chris and i went shopping today.
we spent the first 1/2 of the trip helping meimei buy a gift for SOMEONE *winkwinknudgenudge* after which we went continued shopping aimlessly. hahahha.
that is so characteristic of us.
we were supposed to settle our v day presents but i bought earrings instead. chris bought chocolate---and consumed it.
mwahaha.
and we crapped our way home.
today was fun.

and i keep on guessing.

2006-02-08T06:02:00.000-08:00

jiali, bern, gongjiao and i made maldives presentation today to the J1s.
the real joy that we experienced there is impossible to be expressed in a short 20 minute talk.
all that we can hope is that through sharing what happened there, the audience is able to conjure their own impression of the emotions we experienced there.
there's a dialogue that goes:
Ruth: "...there's maldivian night!"
jiali: "...they presented to us vigorous bum-shaking dances...and we danced along!"
the happiness and sheer joy we experienced there made us toss all cares aside and just join in the fun without caring whether we looked unglam or not. joy made us wear silly costumes and do cheesy catwalks. it made us sing at the top of our lungs and not care we go out of tune or not.
i really missed going to maldives.
but the next time i'm going, i would want it to be with the same people.
well, its definitely going to be a little strange seeing another group going "maldives oei!"

2006-02-05T07:44:00.000-08:00

"an apple a day keeps the doctor away"
Apples make u feel happy and healthy
they always make u smile.
:D

2006-02-02T03:40:00.000-08:00

i was feeling really down on tues, but when i went shoe shopping with Jiali yesterday, i was really feeling much much better! thanks dear for perking me up and letting me know tt i'm special to u.
i really have to thank God for the friends that i have around me. without u guys i would probably not be the Ruth i am today. thank you for making me a happy girl almost everyday. :D
i love seeing the people around me smile. maybe tt's why i like to joke so much and not take myself so seriously. its a personal satisfactory to see people i love throwing their heads back in laughter. and with them, i throw my troubles away with a shake of the head and the slackening of shoulders. maybe that's the true meaning of getting joy from giving joy. and i'm glad tt i have a group of good-humoured friends to help me achieve this. :D thanks u guys! :D
***
today is the first day of the sale of council forms for the 39th council. selling the forms make me feel kind of lost and as i pass them the forms, reluctance filled my heart. i'll miss council.
maybe its cause of the shit that we sometimes go through from the students despite trying our best that actually helped us bond as ONE COUNCIL. maybe its the common passion that drives us together. maybe its the company of each other that make us clique so well. maybe it's the common characteristic that make us understand each other well. maybe it's just us.
but no matter what, i feel belonged. this is my 38th student council.

2006-01-31T06:29:00.000-08:00

"why cant we just learn..?"
yes. why cant i just learn?
to just look aside and
be glad
to be Ruth.
why cant i learn?

2006-01-29T04:10:00.000-08:00

which idiot gets sore throat even before CNY officially starts?
ME.
now everybody's just gonna think tt i stuffed myself with too much bakwa or sang too many CNY songs during the hols.
hahahhaha
ok anyways, CNY has been alright so far. i think it really helps to KNOW what ure gonna do with ur angbao money. as in u really feel happy when ure counting the angbao money.
how realistic we all are! that such act of goodness is manipulated my men. but then again, men usually dont keep our motives consistant.
what am i talking about?
i'm not sure too.
i think this is just an attempt(a failed one) to update my blog.

p/s: do u like my new layout? i think its darn nice. my pledge against racisism. and i think its kinda romantic too. :D

2006-01-27T07:45:00.000-08:00

This is an official declaration that Lim Ying Xin Ruth is unable to survive without a cellphone when she am out.
it's most inconvenient and irritating.
hrump.
without a cell phone, what could have been a 35 minute journey took 1 and a half hours. i was so consumed with frustration that i just HAD TO pop into starbucks to get a coffee before i could proceed on to the seemingly endless journey of looking for my dearest A02.
after the journey ended, i only had time to sit down for 10 mins before getting my butt off the chair again to go to orchard mrt to meet luce. what a long and ardous journey. i really detest myself for not remembering to bring my hp.
urgh.
i see no point in doing what i am doing. call call call.
what a way to start chinese new year. indeed.
was the apple tree rustling or is it all my imagination? or was it just the passing wind?

2006-01-21T22:05:00.000-08:00

we have all moved on to a different stage of our lives. its no use looking back and wishing that nothing had changed, because everything had changed. its inevitable. the year had to end, it did end, and we just have to look forward while wishing the best for each other.
i wish i didnt have to tell myself this and just accept change. but change is difficult for me. :(
sometimes i really wish that 2005 would come back.
its not that 2006 had been bad or anything. it had actually be rather incredible with stalia estrella being a success, me having lovely juniors and some other things. but i just miss alot of 2005. i miss the seniors, particularly Maldives people. i dont know why i'm feeling this emotional bout at this moment, but i just suddenly miss them so much.
i hope i had been a good senior too.
***
well, an update of my life. hmmm... due to orientation, i missed 2 wks of school, so this wk is effectively my 1st week of REAL school. so its a rush of trying to catch up with my studies.
yup this is pretty much my first week.
haha i feel like a hardcore mugger already. :)
but school had been pleasant. *whew* finally i dont have so much free periods in between classes anymore. no more time wasting & school ends earlier. :) NO MORE PW. yea yea yea PW can go eat itself. *cheeky grin*
oh yah. i grew 2 cm.
who're u calling shortie now? huh huh huh! *complacent*
***
integration beckons.

2006-01-15T04:25:00.000-08:00

stalia estrellas has ended. :(
a strange sense of emptiness is overwhelming me, making me miss orientation more and more every minute as i last thru this weekend.
there is also an impending sense of doom because something too good to be true has ended.
2 weeks.
it seemed so long but when i look back now, all i can remember is a whizz of time flying by.
there is a few group of people that i wanna thank:
ALL OGLS:
u guys have once again proven to me that NJC is indeed filled with fantastic people. :) i've made so many new friends thru orientation-and it isnt even MY orientation! :)
Arella OGLS:
just like Rhoda dear, i was initially really bonded to ignis as it was the house that i had my orientation in. but thru stalia, my house spirit really soared and i now truly consider myself a TRUE ARELLITE. i love u guys so much, thanks for making me love my house.
OG1:
u guys made the initially first week of boring orientation SO MUCH FUN. thank you for all your encouragements that give me energy for the 2nd week, and thank u for making me feel like an accomplished OGL. u guys really rock. thank you for saying hi to me everytime u see me. it really makes me day! :)
06a01:
u guys r so energetic and cute! :) u guys really made me miss my orientation coz i see the fun u guys have with each other. promise me that the bonds u have with each other will never break ok? bcoz i see the potential in u guys rocking NJ's ARTS fac!! :) i love u guys!! :)
Guanny, joel, rhoda:
i couldnt wish for a better group of people to work with. u guys are amazing. even though we have our different views, we always manage to compromise. thank you guys for comforting n encourageing me whenever i feel that things r not going right. i love u guys so much.
Council:
OH MAN how can i ever miss out u guys? u guys simply rock my socks off! initially i thought it owuld be hard to get thru the term, but now i feel like crying whenever i think about us having to separate in may. we certainly bonded thru our term and no matter what, i believe that they can never be a better team than the 38th student council. no matter what shit i go thru, the friendships forged will ALWAYS be with me to help me get thru the hardships. i love u guys. COUNCIL OEI.
Ideas:
i thank God for placing me in the best comm. it is indeed true that God will give me what is best for me, even though it isnt what i thought so initially. i thank God i have u guys. everyone of you. i love IDEAS.
Station Games:
Firstly, special thanks to my ogl-in-crime, Mugalot. our hydration station really rocked huh!! :) i love u MUG!! :)
STATION GAMES ROCK LIKE MAD.
i miss stalia already. :(
let the mugging begin.....

2006-01-09T18:02:00.001-08:00

OMG i cant believe my OG gave us these huge baby bottles. wow.
if i wasnt so surprised i'd definitely burst out in tears in public.
i really love OG1 ALOT. Tremendously. :) thank you guys so much for this lovely lovely experience of being an OGL. i couldnt help but show off ur gift to the other OGLs cause i just feel so blessed to be your OGL. thanks for the sweet messages too. they mean so much to me.
:)
i love u guys. :)

2006-01-09T18:02:00.000-08:00

2006-01-08T02:12:00.000-08:00

2006. i still dont know what to think of this year, because with activities whirring around me, i just dont know what to feel. in the midst of orientation, they left for army. sigh. i miss seeing them in school so much. i miss the times when i can see shifu n stead straight after pe, and they will just be there grinning and making my day. i miss u guys. take care in army k? :)
well, positively, orientation had been a blast so far EVEN THOUGH IT ONLY COMPRISED OF TALKS,TALKS N MORE TALKS. so if talks could be fun, i just cant wait for the games to start!! :)
the only way to describe my og1 is that: they certainly surprised me. they are actually one of the enthu-est og i see! :)
tmr morning will be the last time i see them as a og. :(
though sad, i wish them all the very best in their classes.
i love u og1! :)

2005-12-16T07:43:00.000-08:00

malaysia was great. great food. YUM.
great shopping. YUM.
huh. i bought a fashionable kitty purse.
beat that. huh huh huh.
aiyo i so tired.

2005-12-11T05:12:00.000-08:00

i was being cheena and started reading this book entited "ai qing bai pi shu". the book was, by the way, based on a show series.
sounds shallow right? well i didnt know what i was doing when i picked up the book too. i mean. its in old chinese wording, words go vertically, and u have to read front-back.
WHAT WAS I THINKING?!
right.
but as i read on, the seemingly shallow things start to make sense and i start to think that perhaps it really isnt so shallow at all.
then as i read on...
everything became SO complicated.
a lot of emotions entangled in one action. too many unspoken words, unexpressed emotions. and they change everything.
loving a person so much that u cant be together.
warped logic.
but i understand.

2005-12-06T03:27:00.000-08:00

lazy me havent been updating for aeons. sorry man, but switching on the computer is just too much 0f a chore. hahah.
eeks. i start off the entry with the word 'lazy'.
ok anyways i shall just ramble on with some recent highlights.
firstly, there was the seniors' graduation night. personally speaking, it was a night to remember and it isnt even my prom. haha. being in the skit comm, i had to stay from 8am to 12 midnight, and i say that every minute was worth it. :) the skit cast was fantastic. benny kelly sally nelly xiaolong OGLdot girl. woohoo. even though no one really watched the skit, we had fun practising. being backstage, i had a classic view of the programmes. haha.
to the 39th council yr 2006: just make the programme 'photo-taking' for 3 hours. haha. i mean seriously.
but what really perked me up was seeing STEAD,SHIFU,MICHELLE and my others beloved seniors look so HOT. *drools* seriously. they look really HOT. haha. then i realised that i will never see them everyday anymore and that makes me want to prevent the day from progressing on. i dont ever want it to end.
but alas it did. it ended with hugs and handshakes(and forcing pple to wear the glowing bracelets *winks*)
stead, shifu: i am going to miss u guys so much. and thats an understatement.
-*
i cant go for maldives chalet. the one thing i have been looking forward to since october. just delightful dont u think? sorry but i just feel so spiteful. have u ever heard of a agent who takes ur money then tell u to change the date for ur trip? and oh golly the dates have to cross over ALL 3 DAYS of the chalet. the wonderful thing is this: the trip only lasts for 4 days. OH WOW. i wouldnt give up going to the chalet to go to australia or something but oh gosh no, i am just going to malacca.
oh the spite. i am losing control of the venom.
perhaps if i had insisted i might have gotten my way. but i dont know why. i just dont have the energy to argue anymore.
my ans: whatever.
whatever means: i dont see the point in argueing anymore

2005-11-16T05:08:00.000-08:00

i ponder whether today had been spent meaningfully or not. one on hand, i visited charitable organisations, learning more about them and stuff. however, i felt as if i didnt gain alot of knowledge either. i am kinda still as confused as before.
but one thing is definitely felt: i am in awe that some people in the world are just so willing to give up so much of themselves just to aid others in need. they are willing to spend so much of their time on volunteering. especially the students, because as a student myself, i do understand the many time constraints that we face.
so being enthusiastic, beng ah n i signed up to be readers. haha. reading to K1 indian kids for SINDA. i'm really hoping that i will be able to give so much of myself to help others too. i really want to.
so beng ah and i joked about bringing loads of biscuits to the lil kid's house and stuffing them with biscuits everytime they learn a new word. then at the end of 6 mths, we weigh the child. HOHOHAHA.
nvm. cheap trill.
i realised that there are so many people out there in need. i've stayed in my cocoon of safety for too long, failing to realise the many things happening around me. i guess my parents had always protected my sisters and i from reality problems.
maybe the political attachments in coming monday would open my eyes even further to the problems that many singaporeans face. maybe these problems are faced by my parents too.
i am too fortunate.
and i yet i whine too much.

2005-11-12T01:19:00.000-08:00

yayy! i've finally found a new blogskin that i sorta like! :) haha. it finally hit my senses that waiting around aint gonna bring back my dearest old blogskin. so here's the new one. enjoy.
p.s: guess who's the guy in the picture? *winks*
**
anyways, just to update, PW is over! haha. yup bet this is no new news among all J1s in singapore but whatever. its good news to me so i wanna share my joy to all of u guys!
wow. i cant believe that one year's of work is over. 2 more free periods next yr. ahhhahah. no more late thursdays. YAYY. :)
thankfully everything went well for OP (oral presentation). it was quite fun actually. i think NJ002 actually did quite well! lets all give ourselves a pet on the back! JJ, CHIEW, GUAN, KHAIRI: u guys are such great groupies. i am really thankful to be in NJ002! :)
and i am glad tt mr low n ms ong are my assessors, and A03 is my audience. with them around, i aint nervous no more! :)
in retrospec, i am REALLY thankful to be in my group. we never did fight before and we managed to coexist peacefully and harmoniously! :) yayy! :)
RFID technology rocks. :x how ironic. a technology hater like me doing a project on technology. SELLING TECHNOLOGY. ohhhh, my wounded conscience!! hehehh!! :)
ok. so J1 is officially over for me. i'm done.
its time to pack up and move on.
to J2.
should i rephrase myself??
= its time to pack up and MUG on.

2005-11-08T05:06:00.000-08:00

EGAD?!?! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DEAREST BLOG PICTURE!!!
w...wh..why is it taken over by this..ugly..thing?!
i am extremely disturbed by this strange situation.
but then again its TECHNOLOGY. its not uncommon for technology to err. watch me roll my eyes.
so, i thought, no biggie. i can just replace with another blogskin.
but NO! i forgot how LONG i took just to find the last one and now i have to start my hunt all over again?!
i have an issue with most blogskins. they either have vulgarities, or sound too despotic. quote: " i cant live without u" or "i love u", or have suicidal inclinations, or are too bloody and gory, or are just plain distasteful.
SIGH.
i think its just me. i've fallen behind in the trends. happy stuff are not selling.
but u cant blame me. i want to come to my blog everyday, look at it and feel happy. i dont want to come online and have the word "suicide" smack in my face. oh nonononono.
so, meanwhile, u'd just have to bear with the horrifying picture while i search for something that suits my picky tastebuds.
or, i shall just wait and hope my blogskin comes back.
yea. i think i'll do the latter.
love, Ruth

2005-11-04T18:15:00.000-08:00

yesterday was band concert!! :) BAND-IT.
two words: it rocked.
YAY!!! :)
A01 had a class performance!
THIS is how we introduce ourselves:
and our band name is called....
(drumroll and guitar strumming...)
PIBROCH!!!
(-silence-)
YAYYY!! (we cheered for ourselves)
hahahah! so funny. :)
but i seriously think that we did well. :) no errors, no going out of tune, no screwing up, no forgetting last chorus.
and it was so FUN! :) i was actually enjoying myself up on stage, not feeling any pressure at all. ok, not feeling MUCH pressure.
maybe cause qiling and jaslyn were right beside me so it wasnt that scary at all.
or maybe cause i could see pisstine smiling striaght at me from the front :)haha. but anyways, it was very fun :)
the audience was great. they were very supportive and are fun audiences. :) yayyy :) the general atmosphere was cosy and WARM. cause the LT's aircon like kinda spoilt. hahaha.
yup, PIROCH, consisting of CHERYL, KHAIRI, JASLYN, QILING, SIEWPENG, SUZY, ANNIE, GUANYOU, DORA and I ROCK!!! :) woo hoo.
but the highlight of the day was the duets between PISSTINE and Roman. AHHHHH. THEY ROCK!! PISSTINE ROCKS!!! my heart was swelling with PRIDE when she was singing.
man, i feel motherly.
wadever.
she was GREAT and I AM PROUD OF HER.
she is sure growing up...*wipes tears*
heh heh
BAND is GOOD!!! they really are GOOD!! :)
***
my body is aching all over now after carrying tables yesterdat. owww... and the side gate has SO MUCH mosquitoes!!! poor uncle william and uncle hockseng!!
well, even though i felt a little cheated yesterday, feeling like a sai gang crew, but the day was good. so well, lets forgive and forget. :)
***
through the class performance, i really got to know my fellow classmates much better. i realised how hilarious qiling is, how sweet jaslyn is, how funny dora is, how crazy cheryl is, how MUCH MORE RANDOM siewy is, how responsible annie is, and how much more i like my PW mateys khairi n guanchapati! :)
***
especially thank you to those who gave me flowers. U GUYS ARE SO SWEET!!!!!!! :) *awwwww*
love, Ruth

2005-10-29T07:09:00.000-07:00

someone once told me that the only way to get out of a depressing stage is to NOT think about it.
so i shall give it a try. :)
we had Maldives dinner. Bern, Jiali, Piss(haha.), Shifu, stead and I. :) *blissful smile*
at least this time we took neoprints and it made a nice momento of the outing. :) (dangs i wish i know how to post pictures on my blog! grrr)
the laughter, jokes were the same. but there is this wave of sadness tugging at my heart.
we joked and went out of focus most of the time, going into shops and laughing at the goods, playing with the soft toys. "a PIGGIN special friend" *winks at piss* mwahaha.
stead was jiali's sugar daddy. dangs. shifu is such a disappointment. mwahaha. :)
we went to pepper lunch to have dinner. i was a little disappointed at the salmon rice cause it wasnt amazing. (man..the aroma was deluding!) and looked longingly at jiali's beef rice.
i admit. i stole all of bernie's vegs. then accused her of eating too fast.
hey! dont glare at me like that! she didnt want her vegs!! hahaha
pisstine is officially a moron. -___-
first she *aherm* then she *AHERM!!*
I shall elaborate on the latter.
after eating pepper lunch, we walked out and directly outside was yoshi. we saw some nj peps and my mind took abt 5 secs to register tt my EC was one of them. i hurried off and to my horror, my fellow maldivians were clueless and didnt follow after me.
then pisstine saw my EC and started pointing at him excitedly and shouting RUTH! RUTH! RUTH!
unfortunately, at that time i was walking back towards her.
just as he turns around.
THE HORRORS!
THE EMBARASSMENT!
and the worst thing was tt i had to DRAG pisstine away and it took her VERY long to realise her fatal error.
pls call me rachel or tom in the future when u see me in Nj. i would be eternally grateful.
after tt, we went to cineleisure to take NEOPRINTS! :)
its great exercise as it is VERY EXHAUSTING. haha! it was such a fun experience!!!
then we were shouting SHEET! SHEET! SHEET! all the way and trying to read the japanese words. haha! JIM THOUGHT WE COULD REDO! :) *inside joke*
then we oyapeiyasom to see who get the best neoprints. I ROCK AT OYAPEIYASOM PLEASE!!! ahahahha!!
towards the end, only shifu, stead, piss and i were taking bus home but ALAS! at different bus stops.
at that sudden moment the strong sense of sadness overwhelmed me and i felt as if it was the last time i would see them already. as they walked away, i just kept waving at the shrinking silhouettes.
sigh. i'm going to miss them so so so much.
love, Ruth

2005-10-28T20:51:00.000-07:00

feeling miserable to the bone today.
i am down with fever, sort throat, and a miserable, dampened spirit.
sigh.
i always get myself into such messes. overestimating myself. telling my parents that there is no problem in me committing myself in many activities. i thought i was smart. *sniggers*
until i realised how weak i actually am. how weak and absolutely foolish.
i admit. i cant cope anymore. i just cant.
everything is failing. my grades, my health, my morale and most importantly, my relationship with my family, my relationship with God.
i knew i was foolish a long time ago, but i just cannot let go. because i love both my CCAs too much.
but i was screwing up my life.
my demoralising grades, my failing health, my lack of family time, my non-existance piousness.
i miss the life i had before. i miss time.
what an awkard expression. but its true. now time just fly past and without me having any consciousness for it.
what kind of person am i becoming? i miss my parents so much. i miss my church fellowship so much. i miss my health.
it hurts me to see my parents so disappointed with my grades. the worried look on their faces when they see me sick again. they dont know how to express their worry but to reprimand me. i dont blame them. they are my parents.
its like how i cant blame my family for thalassemia. its in the genes.
i understand why they want me to loosen up on commitments. i understand.
they know what is the best for me.
i'm filled with guilt. i owe choir too much.
and i have nobody to blame but myself.

with remorse,
Ruth

2005-10-26T03:55:00.000-07:00

seniors!

all the way!!

all the best!!

do your best!!

us juniors

will always be here to cheer you on

all the way!!

i was reading some blogs of J2s and the reality of their A levels approaching is hitting everyone.

oooohhh...its like 1 week more or something.

comeon guys u can do it!! :)
my best wishes goes to :

-all J2 maldivians!! u guys are a bunch of the smartest people i know! u can do it!! shifu!! stead!! meltu!! keefe!! richard!! jiacheng!! taupok!! yichuen!! fenella!! JIAYOU GUYS!!!

-choir seniors!! u guys absolutely rock and should deserve rocking grades too!!! Michelle!! suzy!! serene!! Su!! ALL THE WAY GUYS!! :)

-council seniors!! DO WELL GUYS!!

-ALL NJC J2s!! lets show the other schools what NJ is made of!!! :)

yaY!!

love, Ruth