Sunday, October 23, 2005!
google earth is so cool! i was just fooling around with it and i absentmindedly typed in "kudafari, Maldives". to my amazement the search engine actually located that tiny little island and brought me to it. unfortunately, the island was too small to be seen clearly.
at that moment i dont know what i was thinking and hoping for. was i really expecting to see. the vast sandy beach? the star-clustered sky?
no more.
such scenes only exist in my memory. the massive lump of unsorted memories, far too tangled to be organised. and i cant and wouldnt trust myself to organise it. i prefer to leave it in the most precious corner of my mind, unchanged, going through them in chunks.
***
i just finished reading "the virgin suicides". a dark book that left me shuddering at the massive number of intensed emotions squashed and packed into the paperback.
what ever made man forsake life like this?
was life really so unbearable that there was no other option?
what made them look down...and still decide to jump anyway?
i can never understand this. never understood why my pri skool buddy could just end his life like this.
he was thirteen.
ok, thirteen wasnt an easy age to be in. we went through great physical and emotional changes.
but life only started budding at that age.
i dont understand. i really dont.
and i have been down in the dumps
love, Ruth
7:21 AM
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